My SO and I have been together since medical school and we are now working as doctors. We were long distance for two years and have been living together since August 2018. I’m in a formal training program and he is applying next year. We’ve discussed our life goals and have made plans, most notably for me is trying for our first child when we’re early 30s.
I know that the next logical step is marriage but the thought of it terrifies me. If we plan any vacations or around special holidays, I actually verbally remind him that I’m not ready for a proposal and that I’ll have to say no. I know this isn’t normal. But I just don’t feel like I want to get married.
At first, I thought that it was because I didn’t want all the excessive attention on my wedding day. So my SO said we could have a quiet wedding instead but I don’t think I want that either.
Honestly (this is going to sound SO dumb), I see getting married and having children as me finally being a grown up. I don’t feel ready to be an adult, I like feeling like a young woman. I get to go home on weekends to eat my mum’s delicious food, I get to lie on the sofa on my off days and not do anything. I don’t want the responsibility of being a wife or a mother.
I have never had any desire to be married, as a little girl I never dreamt of being a bride. My parents were not married, my father cheated on my mother and had a secret family with children the same age as me. All I saw growing up was arguing, very little love.
I don’t really see what a piece of paper will change in our relationship. I don’t see anyone else except him for me and we’ve planned out our lives. My SO is very understanding that I’m not ready but he wants to be married by 30. 50% of our mutual friends are jumping on the marriage train now. I’m terrified. I’m trying to work out why I’m not ready and when I discussed it with a friend (acquaintance) recently, she suggested that it might be because I don’t truly love him because if I did, I’d want to get married tomorrow.
Others who have been in a similar position to me, is what my friend said true? Am I just missing something?
TL;DR 26, SO of 8y, the thought of marriage and pregnancy makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide forever
Submitted January 29, 2019 at 09:39AM by hearthe_oceansing http://bit.ly/2CRJJGT
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