We just had a kid recently (6mo), and neither of us have really had time to go out. Well, a mutual friend, Greg (34M) just moved to town and I happily encouraged him to go out and enjoy himself. The baby isn’t super complicated right now and the bedtime routine is easy enough, and his other kid, Kara (10F) is really easy to take care of most of the time - all i asked was that he tag me out the next day for a nap.
Greg doesn’t have a place yet, so my partner offered him our spare bed. I wasn’t included in this decision. Obviously I’m a big fan of making sure my friends are safe and taken care of when they’re drinking, but he could’ve VERY easily been packed into a cab and sent back to his hotel. But i didn’t want to be a jerk and tell our friend he couldn’t stay, so they came crashing back into the house at 1am, absolutely trashed.
They were extremely loud, and Kara sleeps on the same floor as all this noise. I went down to ask them to please be quiet so they didn’t wake up the rest of the house. I got some grunts in acknowledgement.
No more than an hour later, i hear retching so loud i was able to hear it from one floor away, behind a closed door, with earplugs in. It was Ol Greg. I found him curled over the toilet in his underwear. Kara also came out to see what the hell was going on, and Greg slurred a heartfelt apology and said “I’m sorry, we got very drunk.” I got Kara back to bed, gave the friend a towel and a glass of water, and went back upstairs. Checked in every 15 minutes for two hours to make sure he was okay.
Partner was literally passed out and snoring on the floor in the kitchen this entire time.
I was very upset. Still am. Didn’t get more than an hour of broken sleep last night, and when i gently confronted him about how disappointed i was about how things went, he blamed the friend. It’s not Greg’s family. It’s not his responsibility to act like an adult and set a good example for kids that aren’t his. Partner doesn’t seem to understand why i am as upset as i am, and I’m not super sure how to keep this from happening again.
As bad a look as it is to have him passed out in the kitchen for his family to find, ultimately he’s an adult and he can decide how much he can afford to test his relationships with me and his kids (the 10yo is his from a previous relationship, so i honestly can’t say much for parenting on that end that isn’t blanketed by “I understand she’s not my child” caveats). But this is my house too, and i told him i wasn’t comfortable inviting drunk guests so stay here, and he still went ahead and did it. And now he’s saying “wow yeah i get it, Greg should have behaved better.” Sure, maybe he could have, but he was your guest. And it wasn’t fair to Kara to have to encounter some vomiting dude in his underwear in her bathroom at 1am.
I’m sorry that was long, but I’m massively frustrated by this whole thing. And i don’t know how to explain to him how disappointed i am by his choices. I don’t care if he goes out and decides to drink occasionally - we had a plan that involved me taking care of the kids and at worst he would have just been a lump somewhere until the morning like he was this time. But how do i get across the impact of his choices? I’d be massively surprised if his ex doesn’t get wind of this from his daughter, and that’s going to make us both look awful. He hasn’t done full time parenting much before, let alone with a kid old enough to have that image of her dad and his drunk friend impressed on her. But geez.
In the end, i want him to understand why I’m upset, take responsibility for his actions in the future when involving alcohol, and realize he’s setting an example. If you have any recommendations about how i can talk to him about that, id be grateful.
TL;DR: Partner got drunk with a friend while i was taking care of the kids at home. He unilaterally decided to invite the friend to crash at our house. Oldest daughter discovered gross tableau of two drunk men in their mid 30s in various stages of dress in her home. I had to clean up after it and am upset. Partner does not seem to understand why i am so upset about this. Seeking advice to clarify to partner how unacceptable this is in front of his kids.
Submitted December 04, 2021 at 05:47PM by WaterLegitimate1742 https://ift.tt/3xX5dhu
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