I don't know if this belongs here, but I'm gonna go ahead regardless! I (25f) lost my husband (27m) just before Christmas of 2020! He was the most perfect husband one could've ever imagined! Patient, calm, non-interfering, supportive, ever-smiling, adoring, he was the complete package!
I met him during the first year of my grad studies. He was doing his master's then. My parents had just shifted back to India from London, so I enrolled here in India (I'm British-Indian for context). So I met him, and was smitten by him! We had a crazy whirlwind romance for about a year and I married him when I was 19. Parents didn't object.
Our marriage was nothing short of spectacular! The first year after our marriage we went around the world. You name the place and we went there! It was a crazy year of traveling, intimacy, love, new experiences, knowing new things, meeting new people. Having grown up almost all my life in London, this wasn't new for me. But even though it wasn't new, it was very special! And despite everything he was so down-to-earth. Would talk to everyone (even people way below his station) with the same warmth and intensity. He'd go out of his way, in every interaction to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome. Like he'd cry if he heard someone was struggling with anything and would rush to help them, and in most cases ensure they have all what they need to keep themselves safe! Apart from this he was a brilliant Blues guitarist, and a very good theatre artist. He was just perfect...and with me, he was so much more than that! Like he'd cry even if I accidentally got my finger cut somewhere. He was just so pristine and pure. Devoted son, devoted husband, devoted brother, devoted to everything he did, and everyone he met! And he died falling off a construction site. He'd gone there to book an apartment for me as a Christmas present. Fell off the building. I was devastated, needless to say. Didn't speak a word for almost 2 months. Still in therapy.
But here's the catch! About 6-months ago, a woman in her mid-30s reached out to me telling me, she was my husband's ex-girlfriend, and that she is extremely sorry for my loss. At first I didn't think much of it. Knowing my husband, it wasn't hard to imagine how any life he ever touched would be devastated at his loss. So I responded warmly, invited her home, and she came. We hugged each other the moment she arrived and we were both in tears. With her was her little son. And he had the same twinkle in his eye like my husband did. So I hugged him too. And made them comfortable. The child then started playing with my mother-in-law, when the woman told me she had something important to tell me. At this point I wasn't prepared for what she was gonna say, so I was casual in my approach. She then told me that the son is my husband's, and he was from before he met me.
He had the kid when we was 20-years-old. And the woman was 9 year elder to him. She also told me how my husband would visit her and their son all the time, and was a devoted father. When I asked if they ever had sexual contact whenever he'd visit or any love for each other in general, she vehemently denied, telling me that the only woman he ever had on his mind was me! But he was just fulfilling his paternal duties! And I couldn't get myself to believe that! The kid is definitely from before we met, because I asked to see the kid's id, and the kid is 8-years-old, whereas I met my husband 7-years-ago. So that part is definitely true. But I am not ready to believe they never had any sexual contact whenever he would visit them. Because if he so conveniently hid from me that he had a SON, hiding his infidelity isn't that big a thing anyway.
I swear when she told me this, I was just a moment's notice from a massive cardiac arrest. I was stupified! I somehow gained my composure, hugged the child tighter than I could imagine, because at that moment I wanted to slap my husband, but also hug him as tight as I could, and the closest I could get to him was holding his son. I hugged him for 10 minutes straight and bawled my eyes out. His mother was kind enough to let me. She then sat me down and told me she was willing to answer any question I had for her with all honesty. I asked for some proof that it was his child, and she agreed to do a DNA test. Tests results showed it was his, which I already was convinced of, because the resemblance is uncanny. The mischievous smile and that twinkle in his eyes, and the way his eyes look for anything with compassion and kindness, he is indeed my husband's son!
In the past 6-months, I have asked that woman 100 different questions, and she has been nothing but patient with me. And has been as honest as she could have been. My questions ranged from their sex life prior to having a child, to their co-parenting equation. I asked her why did she not encourage him to tell me this. She told me that everytime he'd come, she would literally pester him to come clean to me, but he'd tell her it would crush me! Is that even a fucking reason? Of course it would crush me you wanker! The man I married had this enormous secret, how would it not crush me?! Although had he told me before we married, I would have accepted him with the same warmth, and that scenario would be different from the fuck-show it has now become! And someone who would keep something so gigantic from me... who knows? He'd even be banging that woman behind my back?!
I don't doubt my husband's love for me. His love was abundantly clear for me from the way he'd look at me and the things he'd do for me. But I now have every reason to believe that I'm not the only woman he had eyes for! And I will never believe the woman when she tells me that they had no sexual contact after I entered his life. I will never ever believe her! But this leaves me with so many unanswered questions. Was my marriage a lie, was it all a lie? Was everything he did a lie? It couldn't have been tho, because he's no less than any God for all the people who knew him and came in contact with him. And you don't have such ridiculous amount of goodwill for nothing. And the love in his eyes for me was definitely real. You don't do all what you do if you don't love the person, do you? Then why did he do that if he loved me? Why did he hide things from me? I would've been welcoming! I would've accepted the child with open arms, in fact I would have loved to be a part of his upbringing. But him hiding this from me makes me question everything, including my own sanity! And I am beyond convinced the woman and my husband were banging even behind my back, no matter how good a man he was, or how much he loved me! THEY WERE BANGING!
Nevertheless, I am civil with the woman, and I adore my husband's child. And have told him that the doors of his father's house would always be open for him, because his father had betrayed me and my faith, but it's not the child's fault! And he is entitled to a nice life, even if his father was a coward to accept that he had a child! This reminds me, she also told me that another reason he hid having a child from me was because in Indian society, even today, having a child without, or out of wedlock is frowned upon, and that it would've upset his mom had she found out. But what about me? Why not tell ME? I swear I would not have told his mother, but at least I deserved to know, didn't I? And this just confirms my doubt that he kept this because he wanted to get some free pussy, else there is no reason for him to!
So this is where we stand right now, I cry all day, even 6-months later, my mother-in-law is still pissed at my husband, and my brother-in-law and his boyfriend are trying their best to be there for us! My mother-in-law also told me the other day she would have kicked her son in his arse had he been alive. And she is one tough lady! Everything they have, everything my husband and his brother had, we have, she has put herself through the grind literally to get us all nice life. Today she's a billionaire, but there was a time she started with torn clothes. From there, to PhD and being a billionaire, that woman is unreal! But where does that leave me? I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO SHOW ME THE LIGHT
TL;DR Lost my husband last Christmas. His ex-girlfriend contacted a few months later and introduced their son to me. DNA tests prove that son is indeed his. She says the child is from before my husband met me, which is also true because the timeline matches, but I'm struggling to understand why did my husband hide this from me? Any insight would be appreciated
Submitted December 08, 2021 at 10:58PM by devastatedwife5696 https://ift.tt/3Got3FW
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