Am I [21F] wrong for freaking out when my best friend [21F] asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend [23M]?

My [21F] best friend [21F] and I have been friends for just about a year now, as we were in a college course together. She had been dating this guy [23M], who I later also became friends with, for a few years before we met. We have game nights together as often as we can, with me, my friend, her boyfriend, and his brother. Recently, I found out my parents were going out of town after Christmas and wouldn't be back in town until after New Years. We all live in my college town, so I had invited my friend and her boyfriend to come over for games and some drinks (probably more than "some") on New Year's Eve. I made sure my parents were cool with my plan, as this is their house, and their only stipulation was if there was drinking, nobody could drive after. We had all agreed that this was perfectly reasonable and had planned to move on.

A few hours later, I was texting my friend complaining about my lack of a partner (someone had just turned me down) and general sexual desire. This isn't weird in the slightest, as we talk in detail about our sex lives together. I should clarify that these conversations aren't ever inquisitive in nature, but rather involve us talking about our sexual experiences and escapades as more of a story. Both my friend and I have extensive sexual trauma, and that had been a large part of our bonding in the months surrounding our initial friendship. It is again of note here that she coped with that in more of a hypersexual way and I in more of a whatever-the-opposite-of-that-is way. My way of coping has led to my latest sexual escapades involving lots of crying and panic attacks and generally just a long amount of foreplay needed for me to be mentally well enough to have sex. My friend and I also talk about this aspect of my sexuality often, as its on my mind a lot and causes me a lot of anxiety and embarrassment in finding new partners.

To resume with recent activities, as we were talking about my embarrassment in this and my anxiety surrounding it, she said "we'll be drunk so it'll be okay" to what I have taken to mean "you aren't gonna be sad if you're drunk." I responded to that by saying being drunk absolutely would not solve my problems of being horny and also an embarrassed, anxious mess. She responded to that by saying that may be true, but we'll still be doing lots of fun stuff. She then followed that text with another saying unless I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend, she couldn't help me with my horniness (this is where I should note that both my friend and I are bisexual). This has never been a topic we've even come close to joking about, even when drunk. I couldn't tell if she was maybe now joking, so I asked. She responded by saying if it made me uncomfortable it was a joke, but if it didn't it was not a joke. I was very conflicted here as both my friend and her boyfriend are very attractive people, but I haven't exactly had luck with threesomes in the past. In my general shock and confusion I asked what now looks like a million questions, with the main one being "have you talked to your boyfriend about this?" She said she hadn't but they had both mutually agreed I wasn't sexually attractive to them, and then clarified she had had sex with a lot of people she hadn't been sexually attracted to. In this moment of hurt and confusion and shock I got pretty mad and told her this was fucked up, etc. She latera apologized, and expressed how she felt she was insensitive. I had forgiven her, because we are best friends and I don't think she'd genuinely try to hurt me.

Now, when we talk it just feels awkward. We talked about a multitude of things after, but each felt more and more like an attempt at getting back to normal than the last. First, was I in the wrong for being upset and kind of freaking out? Second, how do I get things back to a state of normalcy/comfortability? Its all very messy, believe me I know, but I love my friend and I don't want to lose her over this.

EDIT: I also apologized for my anger and for being upset. Also, if upon looking back on what I had said in terms of “blowing up” was “what the fuck, don’t fucking do this” in response to her saying the proposition was only half serious, that she hadn’t explicitly talked to her boyfriend about this, and that neither of them were sexually attracted to me.

TL;DR

I'm friends with someone I go to college with and her boyfriend. We both have a not so great sexual history and talk about it often. In complaining about my lack of a partner and general horniness, she asked if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. This very much confused me and shocked me, so I lashed out. After apologies were said, everything feels awkward now. Was I wrong for being upset, and how do I make things seem okay again?

Submitted December 09, 2021 at 01:57AM by eva1uate https://ift.tt/3oEY7vo