Hi, I genuinely try my hardest to be flexible and accommodating for others when I disagree or are in conflict with them. But I seemingly always get to a breaking point.
One example is my boyfriend hasn't been paying his share of the bills on time (just rent, utilities, and repairs)
With days between each of my 7 requests.... I email him a prepared spreadsheet of the month's bills with a link to a photo/screenshot of each receipt, I verbally let him know I've sent it, I send a PayPal request, I verbally let him know I sent it, I verbally ask if he disagrees with any of the expenses and he doesn't check to be able to give me an answer, I verbally request he pay his share... he opens the emails for the 1st time and I verbally explain each charge he wants explained before he finally pays. I maintain composure throughout, though my contribution has greatly lowered his monthly expenses and he is earning more than me with much more money accrued in his accounts than I do.
I blow up about it all 1 week later and bring up literally every other little imbalance I feel are unresolved - how many more chores I do, how I try to learn about and be genuinely interested in his work, how I go to his events while he makes excuses to get out of mine, how I try to build an environment of comfort for him, how I help him with appointments/errands and how much little help or support I get from him.
One time I needed help with a flat tire and asked him toward the end of his workday - he said he was on his way to help, but he still hadn't left work 30 mins later around the time a stranger started helping me and actually ended up messing up my car bigtime.
I end up sounding like I'm keeping score of each little slight, when I'm really not until I'm hurting and blow up.
I feel like the 1st attempt for the bills, for example,, should be enough, so I switch up my approach for the 2nd attempt, 3rd attempt... ad infinum.
When I blow up, he is in such disbelief and wants a concrete timelog-style example for each and fights to hear each event's deep, practical details for each event till we get lost. I end up feeling gaslit.
He's really genuinely so kind and he helps me slow down and relax. I feel safe and like I can be myself around him. We've known each other for 10 years, best friends for 5, dating for 2.
Consensus could say he's a bad apple and I should dump him, but I think its me... My professional life is similar - I work at a place and try my absolute best and hardest. I get pulled in too many directions and get so burnt out/perfectionistic. I quit.
I'm having promising interviews for good positions, but I'm so worried about being able to balance both and not sure what should bend.
Tldr: How can I help boiling up to this point? How can I get others to just help me or recognize my needs when I express them?
Submitted December 08, 2021 at 08:13PM by EvenEstablishment858 https://ift.tt/3y74U40
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