I (26F) visited my parents in my home town recently and realised how sterile/cold their house can sometimes feel. Going back to visit as an adult is fucking weird - I watched my parents have a spat about something ridiculous and realised (with dread) I am carrying on my dad’s shitty way of handling emotion.
I’ve been with my partner (31M) for 4 years but if we have a bicker, circa 50% of the time I’ll still immediately get overwhelmed with however angry/sad I feel and will often escalate the argument. I honestly feel like I don’t have a grip on my feelings in the moment and get swept up feeling SO sad that we’re fighting. It doesn’t get shouty or violent, but I will spit cruel things out if I’m really upset. Afterwards, I’ll completely shut down, feel really sad and crave being alone, probably secretly cry and often stonewall my (lovely) partner for a few hours until I have a clear head. I 100% realise this is an illogical way to handle literally any situation.
I am waiting to start CBT for anxiety as this can often be an instigator and have also been practicing mindfulness to try and be more present in the moment. This has helped a lot as I’m usually the one to end the conflict by talking it out, but I definitely need to get out of my head quicker. E.g we had a fight today, I quietly bailed last minute on our plans (errands) and stayed home because I don’t know how to be around him or not feel awkward afterwards. Instead I chose to feel sorry for myself and write this post instead.
TL;DR I have a pretty unstable way of facing emotions I don’t know how to handle. Any advice on how to reconnect with your partner after a spat would be so appreciated.
Submitted December 04, 2021 at 05:05AM by pknuts https://ift.tt/3Eq5WKK
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