Ever since we started dating my fiance has always talked about getting married and how excited he was. I've always been the one in our relationship to push things forward, as I was the first one to initiate sex, first to have him move in with me, first to propose, first to arrange and pay for our marriage license, and the only one that arranged our ACTUAL wedding. This should've been a sign to me that I was the only one calling around to schedule a date that several different elected officials could officiate on. We wanted something simple between just us and an officiator because we didn't think we needed a huge event with family. We just needed us to sign the paper so it would be official and we could get his last name changed to mine like he said he always wanted to do.
We used to never fight EVER and over the past few months we argue daily over things I don't even understand. I'm just so confused all the time because he will tell me something for months and then act like something else the next day and then backtrack his feelings or opinions or behaviors on everything at the drop of a hat. I'm always only given 70%ish of the information and that last 30% seems like its changing with the day. It's causing major trust issues with him because I can't rely or predict how he'll feel about anything anymore. It's like he's a new person every day. It's extremely frustrating so I just avoid talking about serious life topics with him and try to focus on just jokes and talking about shows and stuff to avoid conflict. I genuinely ask myself if I even enjoy being around him sometimes because I feel like I'm constantly having the rug pulled out from under me at any moment when he drops more information about something and suddenly justifies changing his whole mind on an issue about us. I've asked him this and he says he blames his ability to communicate but doesn't try to improve or at least understand how this could feel on my end when HIS ability to communicate and be honest is why I never know the full story about his opinion. It's like he doesn't care because he was valedictorian and everyone his whole life has championed him for being right on tests so his ego doesn't allow him to ever be wrong. He doesn't care to try to see how I could be confused by him because he can't ever be wrong, and his past has only reaffirmed this for him.
We were supposed to get married today, but last night he said he wanted to cancel out of the blue. He said he didn't want us getting married to jinx us and make us part of the 50% of marriages that divorce. I had to call the officiator last minute late at night and make up an excuse why we had to cancel because I was so embarrassed. My entire life it's been a running joke about how ugly I am and how I'd never get a partner or get married, and now right at the end of the finish line I feel like I tripped and failed. They were right about me and it's humiliating. I was so confused that I just went to bed and we tried to have a normal day today, but a little bit ago I just needed to clear the air with him about what he ACTUALLY felt this entire time. Why did he always tell me he wanted to get his name changed and stressed that marrying would be the way to do that, then change his mind last minute? I asked him if he still wanted my name, and he said he would start writing it down on papers but he would want to wait to actually change it until some undisclosed time in the future. The only time he writes his name with my last name is on notes he sometimes leaves when I go to work (just between us) and now I feel like he's just going to maintain that and never change his name around others because he never actually wanted to legitimately. I'm questioning if he legitimately likes me or if he's using me for something and just stringing me along through hoops until he gets bored. If he truly wanted to get married and repeatedly made a scene about how excited he was to be my husband (even making a countdown for it) then why would he suddenly not care anymore at the last moment and want to postpone it on HIS terms and discretion unless he was just lying and fooling me the entire time. I pay for a lot of stuff for him and he lives with me (and sex has always felt very one-sided to the point where I sometimes feel objectified by him), so in moments like this I have to wonder if he's just playing a narrative to keep me interested at the bare minimum so he can keep getting what he wants from me.
He would've never considered us divorcing in the past, and tonight when I asked him what he meant he said he wanted to wait until an ambiguously later date because right "we have a 50/50 chance of divorce and we might have a lesser chance in the future". I was extremely hurt and confused that this relationship that I thought was unbreakable was now suddenly a 50/50 of divorcing when he had always championed how he'd never leave me period. It feels like his love and care for me went down in half overnight. I was understandably upset so I just asked him to just let me think and we could watch a show to get my mind off of it, and he continued to get mad and prod at me because he couldn't stand someone not agreeing with him. He started talking about how HE wrote vows and I didn't yet, which was solely because we agreed NOT to write vows until another time when we had our rings (which we again agreed to wait to buy because we only wanted this wedding to be a formality to sign our names together and legalize our relationship). I was so confused because we had agreed on these aspects and now he was using them against me as though we had never discussed them before. It's like I'm talking to someone else from a parallel dimension every time we talk and its so disorienting. I needed to lay down because I was so upset, and he just sat down and started laughing watching TV. It's like the disconnect between our reactions is from two completely different situations and I don't know if I'm justified in my feelings.
TL;DR: My fiance suddenly cancelled our wedding last minute and keeps changing his explanation as to why he wanted to do it, and now I'm questioning if he's been lying this entire time about how much he loves me in order to take advantage of me.
Submitted December 03, 2021 at 11:42PM by No-Key-5919 https://ift.tt/3dikXCf
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