I don't mean to sound like a bad person, but I don't know if what I said was even wrong, but I know it hurt her feelings terribly and I would like to make it up to her for hurting her feelings. She is my half-sister and I am 20f and she is 23f. We share a dad. My mom said that what I said wasn't wrong but she is my sister's stepmom, and my dad and paternal grandma are disappointed.
Growing up. I really loved my older sister but our dad only had EOW custody of her so I didn't get to see her as often as I liked. It was really hard on our family (additionally to her) and there were times I heard my dad cry to my mom at night about how much he missed seeing my sister and that he couldn't handle not seeing her. My mom always considered her to be her daughter as well and I remember once when I was 8, I told my mom she should have taken my side in some stupid argument I had with my sister because she should love me more because I was her real kid and my mom was the angriest she has ever been with me (to this day) for suggesting that my sister was loved less by her, because she said it was not true at all.
As a teenager, she started to pull away from all of us and keep everyone at am arms length distance. My parents had lots of conversations with her about it, but I am not sure what was said.
I recently decided to reach out to my sister because I wanted to have a conversation about our relationship with her. I told her that I wasn't trying to attack her and that I loved her very much, but was sad about the state of our relationship. I told her I was sad that we weren't that close and that I always looked up to her. I had more to say but she broke down and cried. She told me that I had no idea what it was like to grow up in her situation. She told me it hurt her to see our dad spend so much time with me and not with her. It hurt that her dad knew more about me. It hurt to be around us because we had this whole life she couldn't be a part of because she didn't live with us all the time. She said I didn't have a right to make her feel guilty because she had to set these boundaries for her own mental health, because no one else protected her the way she deserved to be loved and taken care of.
I felt awful for making her cry and I have been told by mutual acquaintances that she has been inconsolable and that she feels like I am selfish for thinking I am owed a relationship with her when my nuclear family was in tact. My mom says that I am not in the wrong because I am allowed to talk about my feelings (she does feel terrible for my sister and has been reaching out) and my dad said he was disappointed that she is so hurt.
So does anyone have any advice for the situation?
TL;DR: hurt my older sister's feelings by talking about our lack of relationship and don't know to make her feel better.
info: I am scared that the only way I can get my sister to truly trust me is to distance myself from our dad. I cannot pick between the two but by not picking, I am inherently picking
Submitted October 24, 2021 at 08:58AM by DryTry601 https://ift.tt/3E2Z2KS
No comments:
Post a Comment