My parents (56 M and 52 F) traveled abroad for my mom to get treatment and my brother (26 M) refuses to help me (24 F) and my sister (17 F) with any chores around the house and expects us to treat him like mom. I work full time and sister is a high school student trying to get into a good university

My mom got diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and she had to go aborad with my dad to get treatment. Now it's my sister and I who are mainly staying at home. My brother lives next to his job but only works 4 days a week and spends 3 days with us at home. I work full time from home and my sister is in high school and has online classes. When he's not around me and my sister split the chores, not exactly 50/50 but we each try to do our best, and try to be easy on each other as our mom illness is already so difficult for us. Our brother came back today, and I specifically made a meal that I know he likes so we can enjoy a nice lunch together, after we finished eating, I asked him to wash the dishes, he refused. Me and my sister told him a few times but he is trying to ignore us knowing that we will end up washing it instead of him (like my mother used to always do). I've already made lunch and my sister is doing laundry and I thought that he would be much more willing to give a hand, but him acting this way is really pissing me off. Not only that, he doesn't have a washing machine at his place, so he brings the laundry and put it in the basket for my mom to wash. I'm not so willing to do that when he's acting like this. The issue now is that I don't want to talk to my parents about it as they are already having a tough time and they already feel so bad about leaving us.Also, he doesn't contribute with any of his own money to our spending, he doesn't need to at all but I think this is an important point. My parents left us money and I use my own money to eat out, go shopping with my sister etc. This is our first week alone, and this won't be a short term situation. I left the dishes in the sink not sure what to do next. How do I deal with him if everytime we try to resonate with him he acts like a child? Should I talk to my parents about it or is it too much stress for them? TL;DR: My mom has cancer and left with dad to another country, I'm emotionally drained and my older brother expects me and my sister to do everything around the house even though I work full time (more hours than him but at home) and my sister is extremely busy with high school. He's not responsible for spending on the household either.

UPDATE: First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has commented and gave me advice on how to deal with the situation. I'll try to make this short. I listened to you guys, not only because the majority of you advised me to do the same thing, but because I knew that was the right thing but at that time I was emotionally drained and almost incapable of thinking clearly.

He left in the morning after the "talk" we had. And we haven't talked during the whole week, I did me and my sister's laundry and left his aside. I didn't bring this up to our parents at all, cause my mom hasn't been getting good news from the doctors and it's been very hard for her and dad (I hope you guys can keep her in your thoughts). But while I was visiting grandma she was asking me about how I'm doing with work and the house etc. And then she asked me if I washed my brother's clothes because he will need them next week... I laughed and told her no, he will be washing his clothes himself. She seemed very surprised and asked me how would he be able to wash and hang the clothes?!

Then she proceeded to try to manipulate me by bringing up that my brother has a herniated disk and that I should be more considerate and that we should act more as a family so we are connected together when mom's not here. I told her I do most things at home and I'm not his mom, plus he's doing well, and he works and goes out almost every night. Spending half an hour to an hour on chores won't hurt him. She kept talking to try to persuade me but I knew I shouldn't pay too much attention to what she's saying. She was trying to speak very calmly to try to play with my feelings. (I already know how manipulative and toxic my grandma can be). And to be honest as stupid as this sounds, for a moment I felt a little guilty and even second guessed myself because she tried to make me feel like I'm the evil one for not taking his illness into consideration (I always do, I never let him carry anything heavy because I know he shouldn't). But I stood my ground and came back to the post to read your comments.

He came back Friday morning. Saw the laundry, it was only his in the basket, said absolutely nothing, and yesterday, I saw him putting his clothes in the washing machine and actually doing his laundry for the FIRST TIME EVER AT 26!!! lol I told him that I will be responsible for the food for one day (cooking and washing) and he will be responsible for it the day after. I cooked and washed the dishes for one day and the day after he got us food from outside which I don't mind. My sister is really busy with school so I'm trying to let her do less chores on weekdays.

Thank you guys so much for giving me a push, and for people who have been calling me a "doormat", I don't think they're completely wrong, I think my upbringing has unfortunately led me to act and think this way. I decided to change and to stop hurting myself for others, so I would appreciate any resources or books that could help me out to grow out of this and to learn how to deal with manipulation from close people. Thank you again everyone 🌺

Submitted October 03, 2021 at 06:01AM by SneakyPharaoh https://ift.tt/3a3XTWh