My husband H (38) and I (40f) have both been friends with M(42f) for about 10 years. We've kind of gone back and forth about which of us has been closer with her in that time. I've done girls trips with her but they talk/text more often etc. The two of them often butt heads politically. She's very left leaning and he's more centrist. I usually agree much more with her, but it is normal for them to get into debates about controversial issues.
A few weeks ago, she was over at our place and we were all drinking and got on to a topic that's been in the media a lot lately and H said something super out of line. Full disclosure, it came across as pretty racist. He didn't use any slurs or anything but said something along the lines of "those people need to stop asking for handouts". I told him he sounded ignorant and to STFU. Later, when she went home, I had a talk with him about why exactly I said that to him and we talked more on the issue and I advised him to educate himself more on the topic. It turns out he really is super uneducated on the issue (don't get me started on him spouting an opinion on something he knows little about, that's probably the biggest source of contention in our relationship) and he promised to read up on it and do better.
We haven't seen M since but I didn't think much of it because she has some health issues and a crazy job so us not seeing her for weeks at a time is pretty normal. To be sure, I reached out to her by text to make sure she's ok. She said everything's fine and she's just been working a lot of overtime lately. Well, about a week ago a different friend, Q (39f) came by and I asked if she'd heard from M lately. That's when I found out that not only is M super mad at my husband (fair), but also at ME, and has grossly misrepresented the argument. According to Q, not only did H say some horrible things, but M says I was sitting there agreeing with him and supporting him the whole time! I was horrified at the "quotes" of things M claimed I said, none of which is true. In fact none of the stuff she says I said is even stuff H said.
Then, a few days ago, I posted a cute picture of my kid wearing a shirt in support of this very issue to our friends group chat. She replied minutes later with one word: "ironic". Other friends who have no context posted confused emojis and question marks. I replied "I'm confused, what's ironic?" and of course for no reply.
So, now I'm stuck on what to do. I've asked H to reach out to M to apologize and he says he will. But, I honestly don't feel like I owe her the apology that Q says M's waiting for. I was on her side FFS! But especially because I tried to reach out and make sure we're cool and she lied and said it's all fine but then spreads way worse lies behind my back. And I feel like the jab at the picture of my kid is a low blow. I feel like I'M owed an apology for the smear campaign she's running against me when I didn't do anything but tell my drunk husband to shut up.
Tldr friend is mad at me and my husband about something he said but tells me we're fine then lies about it to a mutual friend making it seem like I was complicit. Do I demand an apology for the lying behind my back or just tell husband to apologize and let it go?
Submitted October 03, 2021 at 03:47AM by dinosaurslovecheese https://ift.tt/2WBrl2R
No comments:
Post a Comment