Sorry, but this will be long. Read brief TL;DR at end if you don’t want to read. But I hope someone does. So my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me a few hours ago. He said he cheated with some random girl a few weeks ago. He was throwing up over the phone. Told me he needed to tell me that he made a mistake and that I deserve better and he can never take back the pain he gave me. At least one thing I can be thankful for is he told me or else I don’t think I would have ever found out. I hung up and told him to never talk to me again. He tried calling but I declined.
I’m numb. This was my first real relationship. I was always afraid of being vulnerable and letting someone in so this is excruciating. I don’t want to be dramatic but I feel like I’m dead. I don’t even feel anything. I cried for maybe a few seconds and sat in shock for a good hour. I don’t even want to say the lengths I went for him, what I did for him, all the love I gave. Complete devotion. And the thing that really got me is he said “I thought you never loved me” “I thought you cheated on me” after everything I did for him, how honest and genuine I was with him, I helped him through his trust issues, I was there for him through his addiction, through his financial issues, when he was barely able to feed himself, everything. I’m not saying just because I gave him my whole heart and world that he wouldn’t cheat. I know it has to do with his character and not mine. I’m just numb. I just can’t believe this happened to me. I deeply love him but I can’t go back. I know.
The worst part is this happened at the worst period of my life. I’m currently unemployed and living back at my parents. Ive been severely depressed this past year, bad anxiety, etc. I’m afraid that because I’m so numb now everything will hit me hard later. I cannot cry in front of them either. They are the typical traditional immigrant parents and to be honest, they will not show me much empathy. I’m on my own. I don’t have friends either other than my sister. He was my only friend. Please if anyone could offer tips on how to heal (especially in my current environment living with parents), how to move forward, how to remain no contact because that is extremely difficult for me… any advice would help.
TL;DR My boyfriend (28M) cheated on me (25F) and I don’t know what to do as I feel completely numb and this was my first real relationship. What can I do moving forward and how am I able to heal when I am currently living with my parents?
Submitted August 21, 2021 at 04:42AM by youmeanthemost2 https://ift.tt/3B20fAG
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