My mom is forcing me to talk about what i’ve been discussing in therapy, which makes me uncomfortable because she’s not allowed to know. She keeps forcing me to talk about it.

So I’ve (F17) been going to therapy for the past 2 months, and we haven’t really gotten anywhere with solutions because we only talk once every 2 weeks. I also have a lot going on in my life that my mom doesn’t know about. For example:

1. Last year pictures of me in my underwear I sent to my boyfriend at the time got leaked. He saved them without my consent and showed (and probably sent them) to his friends, and our mutal friends. He did this after I broke up with him (I didn’t know he had those photos saved). Every single one of my friends still hung out with him because “he was a cool guy”. So i took distance from that friend group cause they weren’t good for me and were really toxic looking back. So I basically lost all of my friends, boyfriend, dignity and trust in people in less than a month.

2. I am bi curious. I don’t wanna put a label on things cus it stresses me out but yeah. I told my brother about this (he has simulair political views as my mom and really takes after her) and long story short, he doesn’t take me serious. He also treats me different because he thinks im “super woke” and always thinks i’m gonna be angry if he makes a racist joke. He does this on purpose to piss me off and it does piss me off, but I won’t give him that satisfaction. He only started treating me like this after I told him i was bi curious. He thinks lgbtq+ and being “woke” goes hand in hand and therefore treats me like a different person.

So I’m struggling with anxiety, emetophobia, and have trust issues (who’s supprised? not me). I also have a lot of internalized homophobia because of my upbringing. I’m in constant battle with myself because of the homophobia and it makes me feel super insecure about my sexuality. Me and my therapist have been talking about my current situation for the past months because there is a lot to talk about. We haven’t been able to think of solutions because so much has happend.

My mother doesn’t know about the photo’s, the friends i’ve lost, and me being bi-curious. The reason she doesnt know is because she’s strict and trust me, you do not wanna piss her off. Shes not abusive or anything, she just gets very aggressive and triggert quickly. I do NOT feel comfortable telling her about me being bi-curious or the photo situation at all. I know that once I tell her all this, she will treat me differently just like my brother treats me. She also wouldn’t take me serious.

Ofcourse since i’ve been going to therapy, she has been asking what we’re talking about and how it’s going. Most of what we talk about, I don’t want her to know. She knows that I have anxiety, and emetophobia, and that me and my therapist have concluded that, but she keeps asking about results and what i’m doing to fix it. For the past appointments we’ve just been talking about my current situation, and my past. I’m getting little tips on how to change my mindset about things but I can’t tell my mom about that because obviously shes not suppost to know about the situation in general. We haven’t been able to talk about solutions yet, and my mom is kind off getting impatient.

I don’t feel comfortable talking about my anxiety, etc because my mom is like, where is the anxiety coming from? School is working out fine, work is normal, what’s wrong? I can’t tell her this, even though its pretty obvious where I get my anxiety from, she just can’t know. I’m always really uncomfortable when talking about my mental state and most of the time I don’t wanna talk about it but my mom keeps forcing me to talk about it and its breaking me. Its bad enough that I have to pretend im straight, and always feel weird like i need to bite my tongue around her. But the fact that I also have to think about lies for therapy is just mentally exhausting.

2 weeks ago she asked my therapists name and wanted to get in contact with her. This made me feel super uncomfortable and I told her I didn’t want her to talk to my therapist. I know this isn’t fair, because she just wants to know whats going on and wants details but I just really don’t want her to talk to my therapist. She respected my privacy in that case but keeps interrogating me about therapy. When I tell her I don’t wanna talk about it she tells me: “I’m already not allowed to talk to your therapist so you better tell me something”. I tell her that we’re working on it and that I’m feeling better (even though I’m not) but she tells me she wants details.

So i’m stuck. I understand why my mom wants to know what’s going on, but at the same time she doesn’t respect my boundaries. I understand that she’s just worried. Maybe she’s even a bit insecure about my upbringing. It can’t be easy to have a daughter go to therapy, and also not telling you anything. It probably makes her feel like I don’t wanna say anything because it’s about her, which is partly true. I just don’t know how I can tell the truth, without telling too much of the truth, because 80% of my problems are from the things she can’t know. I also don’t know how I can tell her to respect my privacy in a way that she’ll listen.

TL;DR My mom is forcing me to talk about therapy, which makes me uncomfortable because we discuss things my mom isn’t allowed to know. How do I tell her about therapy without telling her about therapy?

I just really don’t know what to do. I’m stuck.

Sorry if my english is bad, i’m stressed and english is my second language.

Submitted August 04, 2021 at 03:12PM by HelpImScaredM https://ift.tt/2X0c0c4