TL:DR Wife is back at work after a break and it's putting her under too much pressure.
Disclaimer: The drowning is metaphorical.
We have two kids (6 and 8), both relatively high needs (ASD and ADHD). I'm an engineer and she's a high-school teacher. My wife has issues with anxiety and feels like she's always letting everyone down.
Over the past year and a half, she took time off work to help our youngest transition to school. Financially, it sucked but we were coping. For everything else, it was great. She was able to focus more on her health, form some stronger friendships (school mums) and the kids benefitted from her being more present.
But now she has returned to work at 0.65 FTE. For those of you who think teaching is an 8:30 - 15:30 job; it's not. That 0.65 FTE is basically a full time workload when you take planning and marking into account.
We planned for this by setting a roster. I'm doing most of the school drop offs (my work can be flexible) and making dinner most nights. I made a fortnightly meals roster so we don't need to think about what to make... but it's just not working overall.
It's only been a few weeks but she's behind on her marking and everything else has been completely dropped. She's not exercising. She's only sleeping for about 5 hours per night and completely running herself into the ground. Meanwhile the kids are still hard work. She feels like she needs to do this though. She needs to be a model to our daughter that women can have a career and aren't "kept". She needs to use her brain and not just be a carer. She wants to use her skills and contribute to society. These are all good and valid things, but for me the cost is just too high.
I saw this coming from a mile off and was very hesitant when she initially talked about returning to work and it came across as being unsupportive. We talked about it and she now understands that I was apprehensive about what was going to give way. I'm trying to be supportive, but this feels like we're spiralling and I am dreading what will happen when I need to go away for work in about a month (on and off for ~6 weeks).
I don't know how best to help her. I can't justify reducing my hours at work since my rate is much higher than hers and I've been avoiding overtime and working away as much as possible. I've been picking up a bunch of the housework (previously laundry was hers and the kitchen was mine).
Would it be wrong for me to just tell her that while I think her work is valuable, it is just not what we need right now?
Submitted August 05, 2021 at 05:03PM by goatymcgoatfacesings https://ift.tt/37lDOcM
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