I (29M) need to establish some new boundaries after my mom (57F) was aggressive towards my wife (28F). Would it be appropriate to talk to my dad (57M) about it first?

My wife is pregnant and my mother offered to throw her a baby shower. This has now turned into a dramatic nightmare. My relationship with my mom is already strained because she has never been a kind person, and she has some narcissistic tendencies. This week she told my wife what she planned on doing for the big food item at the shower. My wife said it sounded good, then said if my mom still needed sides and treats, my wife found a mom's craving table idea, and sent 4 snack-like items she has been craving. My mom then snapped at her and said "Did I ask for your input? Why don't you just show up and be happy?" We were very taken aback and I have no idea where it came from. It is kind of the last straw and I want to set some new boundaries. My mother needs to know that she doesn't get to see her grandchild unless we say she can, and for her to be invited she cannot act like that. Would it be appropriate to talk to my dad about this first? My thought is I want to explain that he didn't do anything wrong and I'm sorry if this affects how much he gets to see his grandchild (my parents are still married)

TL;DR on top of an already rocky relationship with me, my mother was aggressive towards my wife out of nowhere, and new boundaries are needed. Would it be appropriate to talk to my dad about my thoughts first?

Submitted August 01, 2021 at 06:42AM by cthrowaway12345678 https://ift.tt/3zQ70VA