My [27M] Wife [26F] of six years keeps having reoccurring feelings of wanting out of the relationship (second time in the last two years)

My wife, who I've been together with for almost six years now, isn't sure what she wants to do with our relationship.

We met eachother when we were fairly young, 21 and 20, but were immediatelly hooked onto eachother and had so much fun together. We've traveled a lot, we've adopted three cats, we've grown politically together, our humor is very alike, we both love video games, and many more amazing positive things. We also carve out time to do things we enjoy on our own, I like to ride my bike, play sports video games, hangout with friends etc, and she has her own stuff with her friends, most of it online gaming, but it's always worked out well for us.

Over the years we've obviously lost some of the "honeymoon fire", but I always felt like we did a decent job of adding wood to that fire and still feeling love.

But somewhat out of nowhere in 2019, my wife said she wasn't sure about us. She had got a new group of friends that she played video games with a lot, and it feels like that's when it started spiraling. She sometimes feel like she's missed out on "finding herself" and that she loves me and is in love with me but just isn't sure. It was very heartbreaking for me and I'll be honest I kind of begged her to rethink these things because I felt like we had literally the healthiest relationship and it was full of growth and good memories. She eventually realized that was true, and I felt like we had moved past it. Despite this, for some reason her libido plummeted and she lost basically all interest in sex with me. This has been hard, and she's started to think she was asexual, which sucks but it wasn't the end of the world to me as I still think she's the best person and I love her more than anything.

Over the last two years, we've vacationed a bunch, both now work from home and we both said how much we love it together. I feel like we've also done a good job at making sure we're not 24/7 connected and we have our own interests as well.

Well about 3 weeks ago it all happened again. She found a new group of friends she's been playing video games obsessively with over the last month or two. One night I said to her "I feel like you're playing so much now, I sort of feel like I'm kind of being neglected". And she basically reused the same reasons from 2019 and applied them to now. She's not sure about us, despite being in love with me and loving our cats and our home and our future. She said she's been trying to bury those bad feelings she gets occasionally about us. She brings up these feelings of "not knowing who she is" and I just don't know what that even means. She's been seeing a therapist over the last two months and it feels like seeing her therapist brought these emotions back up in a strong way for some reason.

I had recently accepted a job that would take us to another state. She had been wanting this for years and I was finally able to make it happen. Months earlier she had been sending me tons of Zillow ads for house in excitement. I felt like things could not have been any better. I do not think this has anything to do with it though, as this happened before I was actually offered the job.

We just recently got back from a long vacation in Florida two months ago and it was just a blast. The connection felt stronger than ever to me.

I don't know what to do. She says she doesn't want to end things at all but feels like she has to because she doesn't want to keep putting me through this. Some extra things to add that might have an impact, I don't know. She had some trauma with her dad growing up where he sort of abandoned her for a few years. She recently talked with him about this after years and felt like there was some closure there. I was hopeful that might help, but so far it hasn't. She has almost acted nonchalant about this whole scenario, with some occasional emotional moments but I've been 10x more devastated. She's currently at her parents house for however long because she said she wants space. Although we have talked on the phone since she's been there and she still seems.... non urgent? She tells me I complete her and she loves me, but it all feels so... empty? I don't know how to explain it.

I'm at a loss. She's my best friend. I love her with all of my heart. We've raised three cats and built so many memories. We've talked about our future every day for years about all the things we want to do. And it feels like it's being thrown away for nothing. We do have a couples therapy appointment on Thursday but this has all just been so painful to me that I don't know what to do. It's like she's incapable of showing much love or passion towards me, despite claiming she does love me. Is a therapist somehow going to fix this? I can't do this again. This is so incredibly devastating because I feel so helpless. I think she is so great and love her more than anything and since day one it has felt like an actual dream to have someone I meshed with so much.

How can after six years can she just become so emotionless, seemingly out of nowhere?

TLDR:

My wife keeps questioning our relationship despite it being very healthy and fulfilling, she has even said so her self multiple times and I have felt the same way all these years. We have planned so much of our future out and worked hard towards it but this keeps happening for some reason.

Submitted July 22, 2021 at 01:52PM by BetterPaper https://ift.tt/3y3HKui