This was sprung on me yesterday and it has been messing with my head, not sure what the right call is.
TL;DR: An old acquaintance asked me to be in his wedding party when he marries a female friend of mine. I said yes at first, but now want to turn him down because I'm afraid my friend forced him to ask me. I don't know him that well and I don't know ANY of his friends or family.
The situation is this: I (26M) am good friends with Dana (24F) and have been since middle school. We've known each other a long time, and are pretty close. Her fiancé, Kirk (26M), is someone we both knew in high school, though I was never friends with him. Kirk went out of state for college, but about 8 months ago he moved back, reconnected with Dana and now they are engaged to be married. I am very excited for them!
Kirk and I are not friends. We are friendly, sure, there's no conflict, but we just have two separate personalities. We've hung out occasionally because I would come over to see Dana or vice versa, but I've never spent time with Kirk alone, and I don't really know much about the guy.
The thing is, Kirk yesterday asked me to be one of his 3 groomsmen (1 best man + 2 Groomsmen) at the wedding in October. When he asked me, he seemed kind of bummed about it, or not as energetic as I've seen him before. I said yes in the moment, more because I was surprised and didn't want to be rude than out of a genuine desire to be a groomsman.
I strongly suspect that his decision to ask me was heavily informed by Dana, because she and I are good friends, I know she doesn't have a lot of friends, and she pulls this kind of political gamesmanship in friendships/relationships. I haven't asked her about this yet.
I want to take back my acceptance, for a number of reasons. Kirk is a popular guy, at least looking at his social media, so I'm sure he has other people higher up on his friend list. I don't want to be taking 1 of 3 spots at his most important day just because Dana told him to do it.
I also don't really love the idea of having a bachelor party with him and 2 strange groomsmen who I've never met. He even said "You'll be sitting with the wedding party at the head of the table on my side" despite me not knowing anyone on that side of the table, never even having met them. I want to support my friend in her marriage and attend the wedding, but I don't want to feel like an imposter/inconvenience/political prisoner.
How do I turn him down after the fact but still be able to attend the wedding? Should I even bring up my suspicions about Dana's involvement?
Submitted March 03, 2021 at 01:46PM by CzarJulius https://ift.tt/3e5IkAC
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