tl;dr - I need tips on how to become less of a people-pleaser.
In short: I'm constantly sacrificing my own wants/needs to make others happy, and I don't know how to stop. I'm exhausted.
As far as I can tell, I do this because:
- I genuinely love making people happy. I want to brighten their day!
- I don't want to cause anyone pain - there's enough in the world already.
- I can't stand people being mad at me, or not liking me. If I upset someone, I see it as an indicator that I'm a shitty person.
Although at face value this might not seem that debilitating... it IS. I am constantly worrying if people are upset with me because I'm not reaching out enough, or making enough time for them. I feel like I'm a bad friend if I'm not there when they need me. I force myself to do things that I don't want to do all the time.
The worst part is, while I love people, I don't have the emotional capacity to carry them right now. I just want to stay home, bake, spend time with my boyfriend, read and learn. I'm the type of person that can see their friends once or twice a month and be totally content.
During COVID, being around anyone outside of my household also stresses me out... but I constantly feel GUILTY if I choose myself over someone else. I'm wasting my day worrying.
This carries over to my work, as well. I give my employer everything and say no to nothing. I'm so tired and I have nothing left for myself.
As a side note: I know this is completely illogical and no way to live. I want to give less of a fuck because I know I'm a good person, and I'm doing my best. I just want to be a good person that doesn't care what people think.
And yes, I've struggled with anxiety my whole life, but I've got a relatively good handle on it compared to what it once was. I exercise 5/6 days a week, I sleep 8 hours a night, I maybe have a glass or two of wine per week, and I eat really healthy.
Thanks for listening.
Submitted November 01, 2020 at 01:26AM by throwwowowowow01 https://ift.tt/321EvWh
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