My [M24] girlfriend [F24] takes out her aggression on me every time somebody in her circle gets proposed to. How can I keep the peace?

We're both 24 years old, Ive been dating her for what will be 8 years come this December. Marriage was never an issue between us, for as far as we were concerned we were both just two kids who just so happened to fall in love during highschool, and life was just a thing we did day by day. Slowly but surely our relationship began to develop a pressure that I couldn't comprehend during my teen years, which was simply put, my girlfriend was keeping me a secret from her family. I knew what I was getting myself into, she told me from the get-go that her family was almost as radical religious as they come, and her dating at the age of 16 would not fly in her household, her punishments would be lockdowns, phone taken away, etc., you get the point. Naturally, as a 16 year old kid, this didnt bother me... However, at 24 "bother me" has become a bit of an understatement. Yes, for 8 years I have been a secret to my girlfriend's family, with the exception of maybe a cousin & her sister, which are in our age group. Her family does not know I exist, however, she knows my family inside and out. Im bothered by the fact that I have never once within the 8 years I've been dating her have I been able to spend a birthday with her, or thanksgiving, christmas, you catch the drift. Im left out, and Ive been living a one sided relationship for the past 8 years.

Heres where this really is starting to become a problem, I would not have been here for this long if I did not love my GF, and truthfully did not envision a future with her, but her obsession with marriage is something that drives me insane. It all started around the age of 20, she went out and bought some quartz crystal engagement ring, and posted it on her instagram story. As you could Imagine within minutes she was bombarded with questions about the "proposal", and even my friends came to me questioning me about it, I was as blindsided as ever and was so confused it was like I got hit by a truck. When I confronted her about this, she practically begged me to just lie and pretend we were engaged, and I was her fiancé, but I told her no, we're dating, and at the moment I had no real interest in getting married, or lying to my friends and family and then having to deal with the pressure of everybody expecting a marriage date, or for fuck's sake having to tell my parents why I think it's a good idea that I want to get married when I still live at home and sleep in a bunk bed with my brother. Little did I know that that day would be the start of a marriage obsession. It felt like every week it was a new argument about why we cant get married, it would die down here and there, but that cloud still looms over my head... It's the reason why Im writing this post. Over time I got older, mature, discovered that at some point I would like to settle down, I dont really want to look for somebody new, Im happy with my girlfriend, better yet, Im in love with my girlfriend, and spending the rest of my life with her is not an issue.

One of the major changes that happened to me that has opened my eyes to taking life a bit more seriously, and my "Grow up" moment was when my GF forgot to take her birth control, and ended up pregnant. Unfortunately the pregnancy was ectopic, and at the end of it all it became something new to our history, it was something we had to get over as a couple. To me the two kids who fell in love were now the two adults with real responsibilities, and our actions are important. Ever since that incident, I took our relationship, and life much more seriously, I think anybody would. Our marriage conversations started becoming much more sincere, and what was once "I dont think now's the time for us" turned into "I think we need to wait until we can support ourselves with our jobs before we make these decisions", there was a visible roadmap that we could follow, and one of the major milestones was "meeting your family". We went through a list of compromises, and it honestly warmed my heart to think that we had something tangible in our future, and we could work towards that. After 4 years of constant fighting, it seemed to be laid to rest by the fact that we knew it was going to happen, as long as we did the right things and worked on making our compromises happen.

With that being said... Every single time somebody she knows, whether its a friend of a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend gets popped the question, I have to listen get torn a new one. Literally earlier in the week some girl at her job was proposed to from some guy that she's been dating for 6 months. Now I have to listen to "how the fuck are we dating for 8 years and some slut who's been sleeping with everybody at the workplace has a ring on her finger?". I always refer back to our compromises, and try to keep the pace with what we agreed to, but she doesnt listen, she becomes irrational and would argue over anything, even telling me she's grateful that she lost the child because she wouldn't want to carry my child. She will say the most hurtful things you can think of, but in a weeks time, things return to normal. This has been happening for months, and every single time this does happen it feels as if theres another straw added to the camels back, Ive been taking note of this behavior and it scares me to think that Im going to propose to somebody like this. But part of me recognizes her impatience, and understands her desire to get married, part of me thinks that this is somehow my fault for not being ready after 8 years, for not being financially dependent at 24, for not having a ring for her, for not being her fiancé, all of these things make me feel like it's my fault. But then I get a reality check and remember that I do have a job, I just got laid off due to the global circumstance, that I dont even know her family, Im still a fuckin secret, and what next? Im going to be the secret husband? With a secret house? And secret family? I realize that my wants and desires that will take us to the next level are being bombarded with an emotional overhaul that my girlfriend cant seem to get under control and takes it out on me.

My whole problem here is simply that I do not know what else I need to be doing to keeping the peace in this relationship, Im tired of being the whipping block here when Im doing nothing but giving compromises in this relationship, im tired of making things happen, just to have to constantly reassure her time and time again that things are going to happen in due time. She asks why I cant just propose to her but how the fuck am I going to be a secret fiancé? And when she decides to tell her family what am I supposed to tell them? The truth? It'll destroy my potential future relationship with the family Im going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I want things to change, and im being demanded to start the marriage process with 0 work being done on her part. I need help keeping the peace.

TL;DR: Even after giving my GF a perfectly attainable roadmap that will help us get to marriage in a reasonable timeline, she goes berserk and forgets all about it when somebody in her circle gets a ring. Then it's taken out on me in the most toxic of ways

Submitted November 01, 2020 at 12:22AM by ThrowRA-HHHA https://ift.tt/35RwDIe