I know it's weird to be this self-aware of a destructive behaviour and not change it, but I can't.
I, since I was a child, have enjoyed destroying things so that I can then mourn their destruction. I used to do it to paintings I made, so that then I could regret my mistake once I realised that I wish I hadn't done that.
I've torpedoed friendship after friendship, usually after some minor argument. It usually goes along the lines of them trying to make up but me saying that I don't feel the same anymore and its better to let things end. Inevitably I end up regretting this and then when its too late, feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness.
Essentially just as people enjoy sad films, I get the same enjoyment from doing the same to myself, it's almost therapeutic. The problem is that while I enjoy the sadness of the whole situation at the time, I realise I've made a horrible mistake later in the cold light of day.
tl;dr: I enjoy breaking off relationships but always regret it later.
Submitted March 25, 2020 at 01:41PM by LastStudy9 https://ift.tt/39lu6Wu
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