My mom likes to overreact about every single issue presented to her. It always goes like this: mom yells, mom starts throwing stuff, I go upstairs, I start crying, mom stomps upstairs and comes into my room and tells me I'm overreacting.
When I say overreact, I mean it. Just 10 minutes ago she asked me if I wanted a meatball sandwich. I asked for pasta with meatballs instead, and she got pissed. "You eat pasta a lot. I'm trying to limit your calories." she said. My dad suggested a small portion of pasta instead, and she slammed the cabinet, started crying, and started screaming about how her opinions never matter to us (my father and I). I wish I was exaggerating. This happens almost every day. I get overwhelmed, and I go to my room to cry. Note that I almost never say anything snarky beforehand; I just leave. Every single time this happens, she comes upstairs and finds me crying. She angrily asks why I'm crying. I say it's because she was yelling, and she gets defensive.
"You don't like me yelling? Every teenager gets yelled at. Deal with it, little girl." "You're never going to get ANYWHERE in life if you overreact like this to every single bad thing in life." "When I yell at your father, it doesn't concern you. Stay out of it. You have no reason to cry." These are all, word for word, things she's said to me (I write it down). I tell her that how I express my emotions in my own room is my business and no one is getting hurt, and she always says "you can't always get crippled by your emotions even by yourself."
My mom loves to treat me like a therapist, so I know about all her family trauma. I'm guessing that she's taking out my grandmother's verbal abuse on her back onto me because that's just how she was raised, and the overreaction to things like the meatballs I mentioned earlier are a feeling of loss of control also due to abuse. I'm not a psycologist, so I can't say for sure. I guess I just like the feeling of having things figured out.
I'm laying in bed with my cat right now. I've been crying the whole time I've been writing this. I'm so scared of her coming upstairs soon. I don't know what to say anymore. I love my mom, but I'm terrified of her. I feel more numb to my emotions every day, and I am HORRIFIED of the thought that she's been conditioning me to be emotionally numb just like her. I don't want to be anything like my mother.
TL;DR: My mom gets mad at me for showing emotion due to her showing many emotions. I'm so scared of her and I just don't know what to do.
(note: please don't take this post down and reccommend another subreddit. The last post I made about my mom on this sub got locked and disabled, but I had recieved more love and compassion from those comments from adult figures than I've probably ever felt in my entire life. I don't know where else to go)
Submitted February 03, 2020 at 02:53PM by iridcore https://ift.tt/37TlUNi
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