My (27F) boyfriend (30M) didn't support me when his family asked me to move out following a one-off mental health crisis. They've since completely excluded me and he has done very little about it.

This happened in March of 2019 and it is still unresolved. I'm at the end of my rope and considering ending our 3 year relationship because of it.

I moved to a different country to live with my bf and the plan was for us to stay with his parents in their small 2 bed house for a little while until we decided to rent our own place. I got on well with his folks and felt they liked me.

I had been living with them for 8 months and they were aware that I felt down sometimes and I spoke in depth with his mum often and felt close to her. I felt supported. I wasn't seriously depressed but I was driving 4hrs a day for my demanding job and then I would crash at the weekends as I was too exhausted to do anything. My bf would play football both days at the weekend and so I often felt lonely and I would spend a lot of time sleeping in our room. Sometimes I would have panic attacks and would take extra tablets I used for neuralgia pain because they made me feel drowsy which I enjoyed, plus I knew it was safe to take extra.

I have a long history of depression and being in and out of it since I was a child. I had an abusive childhood and then I lost my mum to suicide aged 17. However I would describe myself as being high-functioning and I hide it well. At the time of this happening I was paying for private therapy and I was on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. I had also tried a couple of SSRIs but none had worked, the side effects had been severe insomnia.

I had a particularly severe panic episode one Sunday and I went for a long drive on my own. I couldn't cope, I felt completely overwhelmed and in unbearable pain which I understand is difficult for those without mental health difficulties to empathise with. I took codeine but I took 4x the correct dose and made myself ill which I didn't expect. I knew this was wrong but I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I took myself to hospital where I was then kept in for two nights but discharged with a psychiatry follow up. I wasn't considered high-risk or suicidal and I didn't feel suicidal.

After arriving at hospital I contacted my bf and asked him to come in. This had never happened before (and it hasn't happened since). He was very angry with me when he arrived which actually caught me off guard but I accepted this as I can understand I had caused him a lot of worry and upset..

He went to work the next day but visited me late in the evening. I got the impression from him that his family were unhappy with me. I wasn't sure why but could tell that he didn't want to go into it. I hadn't heard anything from them.

When he took me home the following evening his parents were both home. I immediately said hello and I apologised for causing them worry and upset. I said that I was happy to talk more about it at the weekend but seeing as it was 10pm I really wanted to go to bed. They insisted we all talked then. His mum was furious and stressed, his dad was very quiet. They explained that they were angry that I had done that and not spoken to them about how I was feeling. They were furious and then his mum ended up hysterically crying. She asked me to move out immediately. I felt terrible and I didn't know what to do, I just said yes and made arrangements to hire a van for my stuff which I put in storage and then I stayed in an airbnb for a while until I found somewhere to rent with my bf instead. I wanted to speak to them at the weekend when it wasn't late and when emotions weren't high but they didn't want to do that. They felt that my crisis had been aimed at then, as if I was intentionally doing it to make them feel bad. I'm not sure and I didn't think they had a low enough opinion of me to believe I would do something like that. My bf didn't know what to think or feel either. I didn't end up speaking to any other members of his family.

After a week I sent a message to their family group chat (it had been silent since) saying that I hope everyone is well and I feel like it was appropriate for me to leave the group. I said that it's important to support those with mental health difficulties and I shared a film project I had made at college about my mum's suicide. I thought this might help them understand me a little more but I don't think it went well and no-one ever got in touch with me.

I was upset with my bf because he didn't do anything to help the situation but complained that it was horrible for him which I do know it would have been. He didn't try and explain to his family that this was a genuine MH crisis that had nothing to do with them. He didn't express an opinion that they should have supported me rather than excluded me. I want a partner that has my back and stands up for me. I want to be with someone who considers mental health difficulties to be no less important or genuine than physical health difficulties. Six months later he did eventually speak to them and then they reached out and we all met up to talk. This went well and they seemed to sort of acknowledge that they had jumped to the wrong conclusion. But it was still so hostile and there was no apology. There were criticisms that I had returned to work too soon after and that this isn't how they would have behaved if thay had been depressed...

I tried to speak to his brother and his girlfriend but they were awful with me. They called my crisis a 'pre-meditated fake suicide attempt'. She said that I was taking the mick and that depression isn't an illness. She was angry because I hadn't spoken to her as she was a friend and she was angry that I had 'done it' not long after her 30th. She said that the friends of those who die by suicides are 'bad friends'. I didn't even know what to say to most of this. Neither of them had ever even spoken to me about it to even try and understand what had happened. They had made up stories in their heads and tried to tell me I had said and done things that I never have.

Fast forward to now and I reached out to everyone to say I'd really like to talk again because it isn't fair on my bf that he has to live two lives. I got two responses out of four and both were hostile. His brother refuses to meet with me unless it is entire family and me, which would mean 7 of them and me. I will do that if I have to but it seems unnecessary. I'd rather just meet with the parents and then his brother and gf separately.

Throughout this my bf has done very little about this and defends his family's actions. I just don't understand and I don't know how to work through it. We always argue if we try to talk about it. It's almost been a year. I'm in a country where I don't know anyone and it has really hurt to lose this circle of people who I cared about and realise that they think I'm someone that I'm definitely not.

Tl;dr: My bf's family asked me to move out and ostracised me when I took a one-off small overdose to calm me down during a panic episode. They said it was a fake suicide attempt without even speaking to me about it. He knows it wasn't but defends his family's behaviour. What do I do?

Submitted February 10, 2020 at 11:28AM by aeroportogirl https://ift.tt/38hxqSC