My (19F) mom (40F) is helping my brother (18M) more with college than me and now she’s buying him a house. How can I get my mom understand my frustration? Am I being irrational for feeling upset?

A lot of people are going to say I’m ungrateful but I want to stress that I appreciate the help I have gotten from my mom. Most of my financial support for paying my tuition comes from my birth father (41M) who is not married to my mom. My brother and I have the same dad, and my dad has a separate family we are not a part of in case if that is relevant.

My mom (40F) helped pay half of my tuition this semester ($1,000 because I get a lot of scholarships) and last semester paid for around $200 worth of books. She and my stepdad make over $100,000 a year, and they complain about me being a financial drain all the time (ex: me showering and eating food). I don’t ask them for anything. I did express that I wanted to move out and they told me I would be completely cut off from any financial assistance. I get it. It would be nice if they would help, but I know it’s not their responsibility. I still live with them.

But my brother is getting everything paid for by them and now they are looking at houses to get him so he doesn’t have to live in a dorm when he goes to college. That’s nice of them. They are allowed to do that.

My thing is, I’m bitter that she isn’t helping equally. My tuition is $2,000 a semester after my scholarships. Apartments where I live range from $450-$600. If I rented an apartment for $500 then it would be $6,000 a year, which would be less than what she’d be paying for a mortgage payment on a house every year and his tuition.

My brother is not going to be able to get scholarships because he doesn’t want to apply for any and he applied too late to school be considered for any from the university. He has good grades too, so if he had applied he would have likely gotten something.

My mom and my stepdad wanted to get my opinion on this and I was honest said I felt like they were showing favoritism for my brother and brought up how she told me she wouldn’t help me financially if I moved but since he is moving it’s different. My step dad blew up and told me that if I wanted them to have a reason to pay for my housing I should have gone downstate for school.

I’m an undergrad researcher at the university, I work, and I volunteer, all of which are important for my plans of getting into graduate school. I’m not going to change colleges and mess up my career goals.

Am I wrong for feeling upset? Am I wrong for thinking that my mom should be helping equally (meaning that she helps me with expenses such as rent if I do move out) and buy the same things she does for my brother (ex: hygiene products and medicine)? How can I get my mom and stepdad to understand my frustration? Any advice on how to navigate this is appreciated.

TL;DR: I (19F) am a college student and my brother (18M) is about to go to college. My mom (40F) is going to fully fund my brother’s (18M) college ($20,000+ a year) and is planning on buying him a house ($100,000) so he doesn’t have to stay in a dorm, meanwhile I have to live at home and pay for part of my school. When she asked if I felt cheated I expressed that I felt like she was showing favoritism. Am I wrong for feeling upset? Am I being irrational? How can I get my mom to understand my frustration?

Edit: My brother’s birth father (my father as well) is paying for 1/3 of his tuition. I forgot to mention it in the post.

Submitted February 06, 2020 at 08:22PM by Throwaway5zz333 https://ift.tt/38k6Hoo