Me [25F] with my friend [38MtF] of several years went to an LGBT bar and she had a bad experience. What can I do to support her?

TL;DR - My recently-out trans friend was insulted at a gay bar on her first ever visit. What do I do to make her feel better?

My friend Jenny recently came out as transgender (I've known for about a year or so, but she's only been properly out for four months). Tonight, we had a night out and rounded off our night at a gay cabaret with a drag queen, who was making her rounds around the tables, took one look at Jenny and said, "I can see why you sat in the dark." She'd also made some Caitlyn Jenner jokes before getting to our table.

I get that a lot of drag humour is "shade" and my friend wasn't the only person who was commented on but at the same time... it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny seeing my friend who was so delighted about being out in a dress and finally feeling comfortable using the ladies' toilets for the first time have her appearance picked at, especially when she's so early in her transition (she hasn't been out for long enough to access NHS hormone therapy or surgery and she can't afford to go private; part of the reason we were out was to celebrate her promotion and one of the things she's really excited about is getting laser treatment on her face to not have stubble anymore). I'm gutted for her.

I asked if she was okay, we finished our drinks and pretty much left immediately, but I feel awful that this was her first experience in a place that's meant to be a safe space. The really irritating thing is that I've bumped into other trans people (specifically a trans guy I knew from school who isn't physically transitioned) in there without issue so I thought it would be fine, otherwise I'd have suggested somewhere else for us. I feel guilty that she was exposed to this. We left straight away and I talked with her a little afterwards; we both tried to brush it off with humour, e.g. "she was obviously upset that your dress was nicer than hers," but when I got in I noticed a social media post expressing that this had hurt her feelings a bit. I'm thinking of writing a message to the bar to see if they have or are making any kind of policy to help trans people feel welcome there, but my main priority is really my friend's feelings. Does anyone have advice on what I could do to help her feel better about this?

Submitted February 01, 2020 at 01:04PM by Ragdoll_Proletariat https://ift.tt/37SiXfN