I have been dating this man for over 2 years. I fell deeply in love with him and had a really strong connection. We would spend as much time together as we could and would talk for hours over the phone when we couldn't. Everyone we knew thought we seemed very happy together.
We lived together for almost a year. But even before that I realized he drank a lot. I was just finishing up college at that point so I was all too familiar with drinking/party culture, so I failed to see any major red flags in his drinking habits. He would not only drink most days of the week but he would get pretty drunk almost every time (if we were not physically together, I could easily tell when he had been drinking by his voice over the phone). He would sometimes say hurtful things to me while he was drunk and/or pick fights with me that he wouldn't do while sober. I would usually brush these things off since he would usually either apologize or not acknowledge it the next day while he was sober. I would sometimes try and bring up his drinking problem to him while he was sober but he often became defensive about it, tried to avoid talking about it, or accused me of being overbearing.
When we lived together, it was pretty normal for him to buy a pint of vodka every night or a double bottle of wine and drink the whole thing. Usually he would pace himself and wouldn't get overly drunk but occasionally he would get absolutely shitfaced. I often asked him to please not drink and not go to the liquor store every day, and began a habit of trying to sneak sips of his alcohol so he wouldn't get too drink. He eventually began hiding his liquor and getting very angry if I tried to share some of it with him.
About 5 or 6 months ago he suffered an injury which put him out of work. He was in a lot of pain and I didn't hesitate to care for him and help with doctors appointments. At this point we were living in a new city and didn't have many friends or family nearby, so most of the responsibility went onto me. While he was injured he was drinking a lot. I would get home from work and he would be drunk every night (I work late so I get home around midnight). I saw on his phone he was using a delivery app to order alcohol (since he didn't have a car and was too hurt to walk to the store). I was absolutely disgusting by the amount of alcohol he has been ordering (about a fifth of vodka, a bottle of wine, some small shots) each time he ordered. I asked him to please stop and he did. The next couple of weeks he was still drunk every time he came home from work, often pissed off and saying hurtful things to me that he wouldn't remember the next morning. I usually couldn't find any evidence of alcohol around the apartment but then discovered he had been secretly Ubering to the liquor store when I left for work (I discovered this after looking at his Uber app one night when he was piss drunk).
We actually separated and I insisted that he leave, so we went to stay with a friend. This lasted about a month, but he insisted that he stopped drinking and it wouldnt become a problem again. I stupidly believed him and let him come back to live with me again. He found a new job and seemed to be getting back on his feet again. Unfortunately he gradually started drinking more and more. He become super paranoid about me being unfaithful (due to our time being apart), but I was honest to him and always let him look though my phone and what not.
One night, I got home from work and he was shitfaced. We started argueing (I don't remember why honestly), and he grabbed my phone and wouldn't give it back. I tried to pry it out of his hands and he started swinging his fist at me hitting me in the face a few times. I managed to get the phone and tried to get to the other side of the room and he followed me continuing to punch me. He managed to pin me down on the couch, strangled me, and punched me more. I managed to get out of it and locked myself in the bathroom. When he calmed down, I went out and packed some clothes into my backpack and grabbed my laptop and some other stuff. He was begging me not to leave and even tried to grab the backpack away from me. Luckily I managed to leave without him hurting me anymore.
I have been living in my car for the past few days, ignoring his calls and texts. I left the majority of my stuff in the apartment so I don't have much clothes with me. Our apartment was month to month and we didnt sign a lease or put down a deposit so I am not concerned about any legal obligations there. I have no intentions of retrieving any more stuff or seeing him again. I am embarrassed about this and have yet to tell any of my friends. I told my parents about this incident and they are luckily being very supportive to me, but they live on the opposite side of the country so I can't see them in person.
I know he is broke and can't afford that apartment on his own but I can't seem to get rid of the guilt for leaving him like that. I don't know what he will do now, but I don't feel safe going back. I know if I go back he will try and manipulate me into forgiving him or giving him money. I am happier living in my car. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the country so I am not sure if I will try and get my own place now or completely relocate. I have not contacted him except for sending two texts saying that it's over and I am not coming back. I am not sure now if I should keep ignoring him, or talk to him on the phone to explain things and get closure.
Thank you if you read this whole thing, I just wanted to get my story out there in case I would feel better or if anyone had any input. Please be nice if you comment.
**Note: this is my first post so sorry if I did something wrong. Also I looked into Al Anon but I don't plan on seeing this man ever again.
TL;DR: left my alcoholic boyfriend after he hit/strangled me and now im living in my car.
Submitted February 05, 2020 at 12:39PM by tanhouse23 https://ift.tt/373e826
No comments:
Post a Comment