I’m gay. I’ve known this since I was little, and I was pretty open about it until I was a teenager.
My dad was NOT happy about my sexuality, as he’s very religious. He’s better than he used to be, but he wasn’t great when I was growing up. Some examples of his behavior, which was quietly supported by my mother... He told me things like “God doesn’t like gays,” and “acting on gay urges is a sin.” He fired my babysitter for being gay. He, along with other family members, shamed my aunt for having a female partner at her birthday celebration. My parents briefly contemplated sending me away to conversion therapy before we had a blowup fight about it. (It was after this I started trying to hide/change my sexuality, which obviously didn’t work. I’m out again and very happy.)
I’ve been struggling with some of my painful childhood memories, so I started talking to my friends and younger siblings about them. My siblings immediately went to my dad in anger (they were too little and oblivious to have memories of what happened). My dad denied everything and convinced my siblings my memories are all fabricated. Then yesterday he confronted me and tried to convince me all my memories are false, too.
This is a load of bullshit. I’ve talked with other people who share the same memories (the fired babysitter, my aunt, etc.) and I’d spoken to my dad about a couple of the memories 5-6 years ago. He remembered the incidents just fine back then. He’s either extremely forgetful, or he’s gaslighting me because he’s ashamed of his past behavior. I’m struggling. I wish I could talk to my mom about some of these things, but she passed away a few years ago. How can I deal with this?
TL;DR My dad is denying he ever treated me or anyone else badly for being gay. I think he’s gaslighting me because he’s ashamed of his past behavior. What can I do?
Submitted February 23, 2020 at 05:44AM by BlueBumbleb33 https://ift.tt/37Ya57P
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