Heard my wife having phone sex

I (32M) have been married to my wife (32F) very nearly 6 years. In that time we have had amazing adventures and two beautiful children. In recent times things have gotten very stressful. We both work very long hours and dont get to spend much time as a couple, rather than as parents. Any time we get alone in the evening is spent zoned out in front of the TV.

A month or so ago I saw that she and an old internet friend (she's never met) had been having sex chats by text. I brought it up with her and we had a really good talk about it. I told her that I was more hurt by it being behind my back than by the actual messages. I even went as far as to say it excited me a little seeing the naughty and sexy side of her again. I said I was ok with it, but that I wanted full disclosure from now on.

Fast forward to last night. I am currently working away from home for the weekend. I tried suggesting that we try sending some photos to each other, and I tried to instigate some sexy talk but she replied that she was too tired and not at all in the mood. She also got annoyed when I asked what she was doing and accused me of checking up on her. I was lying in bed unable to sleep and my wife had gone silent on the text chat. I dropped in to our bedroom's smart speaker and hear her having phone sex with the internet guy.

Thinking the best thing was honesty I immediately told her what I'd heard. She is now furious. From her point of view this was her only private time she has had for months, she has had a crappy week at work and dealt with our children by herself all evening, then the first time she relaxes and has a good time I invade her privacy.

I am totally lost as to what to do. I know my wife deserves privacy, and she deserves to have a good time and be able to relax, but I feel completely betrayed. I had tried to give her excitement and she brushed me off and gave everything to this other guy instead. I honestly think I would have been fine with her doing what she did if I knew about it first, but is that unreasonable to expect her to tell me?

Am I at fault for listening in to confirm what I thought was happening? If so, what can I do to fix it?

How can I show her that it's the secrecy that hurts me more than infidelity?

TLDR; I heard my wife having phone sex while I am away for the weekend. I've caught her sexting before and said it's ok if she tells me its happening, but I've caught her at it again.

Submitted February 07, 2020 at 06:39PM by dinkymonk https://ift.tt/39jGVRy