My family split up when I was in my early double digits due to my father having an affair with another woman. My mother and I chose to move back to our home country and ever since then, I've only got to see my father maybe 2-3 times every few years. I speak to him on the phone semi regularly but apart from this, we don't really have a strong relationship and I am quite resentful of this. It definitely feels like his "new life" with his partner and her children take preference over me. I get on fine with the partner, but obviously I see/speak to her even less than my father.
Fast forward, I'm graduating from university this year and I spoke to my father and had a very polite and seemingly understood conversation that I only wanted him to attend my grad, and not his partner. My reasoning is that I didn't feel that she deserved to be there as much as my mother who has supported me throughout my studies, whereas my father hasn't really been around - and so his partner has no connection to this day at all, in my mind. My mother, understandably, also would never feel comfortable being in the same room as her, and I wouldn't want to be there for this either... So definitely don't want it on my grad day.
I've received a few very long emails about this from my father since. He came across as fine when I spoke to him on the phone, and now is telling me (since speaking with his partner about it) how hurt and upset he is, and that she is mad and upset at not being invited, which is apparently straining their relationship. My father keeps trying to convince me to change my mind and is ignoring and invalidating my feelings about the situation in favor of hers - also guilt tripping me a bit in these emails. I kind of feel like it's not my problem that they/she have taken so much offense that their relationship (which split my family) might be in peril. He referenced that she views me as a son which is a mystery to me because we have almost no relationship.
To me, she/they are coming across as extremely entitled and are showing absolutely zero empathy towards me regarding the affair situation that I've never been able to get over due to my relationship with my father that I never really got. This seems like a situation where most people would be at least a bit understanding, but they in general have quite a selfish 'everybody should get over it and move on' attitude as if they've done nothing wrong, and there should never be any consequences. I feel like they are acting very entitled and at this rate, it seems like my father will not even attend, to please her and not his own son. I even originally suggested a compromise of just us at the graduation, and then he and his partner and not my mother go out and do something nice afterwards - still no dice.
Anyway, my partner and many other friends and family members agree they are in the wrong and that his partner should be more understanding and basically bow out.
There are many more details I've ommited so ask any questions if necessary. I'd love some feedback from an internet strangers point of view! Am I being an asshole?
TLDR: I asked my overseas father to attend my graduation without his partner due to their affair and my mother attending and also my discomfort at the situation. Not a very strong relationship with father due to moving away after the family split, less of a relationship with fathers parter. Father and partner are mad and seem to think they're entitled to both be at the graduation
Submitted October 03, 2019 at 12:24AM by aitathrowaway110 https://ift.tt/2IiEovC
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