My (31F) mother (50sF) doesn't understand why she can't smoke everywhere, including my house. Holidays are coming and im in a panic.

I dont know whete to start so from the beginning works i guess? Back in May my partner (34/M) and i bought our first home. We're pretty pumped about it, because we really wanted a space we could entertain friends and family and this house is COOL AF. Its nothing super fancy and is kinda dated/retro but it had a neat layout with lots of open space. We got the keys and dragged our mattress from storage into the house and slept on the floor, as we didnt want to move furnature in till we did a deep clean, the house was very lived in and sold as-is. The next day my parents wanted to come see the house and 'bring cleaning supplies' including her carpet cleaner i asked to borrow as pretty much everything of ours was still in storage. I suggested they stop by and check it out and then we all head out to get dinner. Mom showed up with TONS of cleaning supplies and immediately started on my windows...i told her not to stress that i appreciate it but don't worry! She insisted so plans changed and the two of us got to scrubbing while dad and partner went outside.

This is where it goes south. She knows i quit smoking a few years ago and that i reeeeally don't like cigarette smell. I dont mention it in her house (which she smokes in..2 packs a day each for her and dad) unless it's super smoky then i ask to crack a window. It's not my house not my problem ao i limit my time there because the smoke makes me sleepy and i dont like the smell on me. So shes cleaning windows and lights up a cigarette and the conversation goes as follows F- me M-my ma

F- "hey ma can you bring that outside please? We don't smoke in the house" M-"im cleaning with vinager so it doesnt matter. You cant smell over vinager" F-"please bring it outside. Dads smoking outside, it's nice out there." M- "im doing the windows. I cant get a free pass today? While im cleaning?" F- "no. I dont like the smell. Come on dude....i dont mind if you wanna smoke your weed in here but NO cigarettes." M- "damn right! I'll smoke pot wherever i want!"

Mom walks over to the other room with her smoke and starts fidgeting with old curtains to..idk...buy time? Argue? Assert her authority?

F- "if boyfriend comes inside and sees you smoking in the house hes gonna think I'm letting you get away with it then hes gonna have something to say too. Please outside. Now."

She then huffed outside. I decided to run to the coener store for..i dont remember what. Probably some beer to get through this situation and txt the boyfriend to tell him what mom did. When i got home he cought me alone for a minute and told me mom cornered him and said that i told her that her doesn't want her to smoke in the house and that if it were up to me i would...so could she please? Shes cleaning with vinager. He said "i prefer if you just...wouldnt." He said they then went inside and she lit a joint and said "im smoooookingggg in your hoooouseeee. She said i could" and started dramaticly blowing it around.

If all this sounds ridiculous, thats because it is.

Now here's my problem, im keeping my foot down on the smoking thing. I hate it and dont want my house to stink and boyfriend is on the same page. When we moved in together i smoked outside. I asked a few of his family members what they thought, as well as older 'work friend's and the general concensus is that they're old and stuck in their ways and i have to let them?? And that im an asshole?? THEY'RE NOT EVEN THAT OLD. Is that a thing? Just letting people over 50 do whatever they want?

So with the holidays coming we agreed to do Thanksgiving at our house for his family because no one else has the space this year.... I would be a jerk if i didn't invite my own (much smaller) family too maybe? But they stress me the hell out and i dont want to argue over the smoking again, especiallly if other people will be around that'll disagree with me while my mother makes a scene and tries to get people "on her side" (for context none of his family smokes) Also while this is KIND OF an isolated incident with me, as she hasn't been over since, shes told me how much she hates going to certain peoples houses because she can't smoke and has gone as far as tried to talk people into letting her do some holidays at her house so she can smoke.

Should i, if i choose to invite them, remind them of the no smoking rule (and let them be all dramatic and say they know and remind me that im not better than them just because i dont smoke) or just put a goddamn no smoking sign on the door? What do i do if she tries to get boyfriends family members on her side? Pull the mom card and tell her my house, my rules, if she doesnt like it there's the door? Yes, it will be chilly outside, but i can put a space heater in the garage and they can suck it up. Im not even willing to let them smoke in the basement or one particular room. Is there any way to deal with it and have it not be a stressful thing? This feels so ridiculius and it should be a non-issue.

Tldr: My mom thinks she should be allowed to smoke in my house and i hate it.

Submitted October 29, 2019 at 04:55PM by FrankieLynn https://ift.tt/34bWqYZ