My (26F) husband (28M) is exploding at me while I'm pregnant with his child. How to talk about this.

I've known my husband for three years and we got married earlier this this year. During the dating period we never seemed to fight and things were great. Because of our jobs we'd see each other on set days where we alternated locations and have regular date nights.

Since we've been married our lives have been a whirlwind. New marriage, new house, new joint bank accounts, new pets, and a new pregnancy! FYI, the baby was planned. The stress of it all has definitely gotten to him and he says he feels the weight of supporting us financially and emotionally. A little background is that I'm in a job I love that is low paying so he makes double what I make and I suffer from depression and anxiety. He always says he doesn't hold my job or mental illnesses against me but has said more than once he'd wish I'd quit my job for a higher paying one. I also (now) own two cats while he is a dog person and we both got new animals of our type to fill the house but mine are older and we've had some unexpected vet bills. He will occasionally sit me down and want to go over finances to plan around these bills and has even suggested that each animal have a "cap" on what we'd be willing to spend on them vet-wise or they'd be put down. I love my animals and I love his too! I think they're family and I've saved up a nest egg for vet bills which he treats/thinks as our "family" savings. We're still in discussions about that issue.

The heart of the problem is that lately he's been very explosive with his reactions and his criticisms. For instance the other day he was heading out to hang out with a friend and as he was about to get ready I asked him if he'd like to fool around. Our sex life has dragged while I've been pregnant so I thought it'd be nice. Instead of being happy he got angry and asked me why I would offer him sex as he's about to head out the door. I told him I was just in the mood and thought it'd be nice. He responded that I had all the time before this to offer but chose the time he had to leave and that I was being mean. That'd he'd love to have sex but he was just telling me he had to leave now or he'd be late and he accused me of offering sex knowing full well he couldn't just to say that I offered. I was very taken aback and told him I was sorry I even asked. I told him he could have just said "no" and he went on again about the timing and just ruined the mood as he left. He later called and apologized "for being an asshole" but the damage was done. It's like walking on eggshells around him and I'm worried about the marriage. He's had temper troubles in the past.

Our last big argument before that was about a sudden vet bill. I had just gotten home so I really just wanted to change and feed the animals but he wanted to talk financials and about the vet bill and if it was really necessary. The animal was hurt! Of course it's necessary. I was listening to him and turned around to go feed the animals and he just exploded and yelled at me. Yelled something along the line of "I hate it when you just walk away while I'm trying to talk to you!" I was shocked and just stood there crying while he composed himself. He apologized and asked if I wanted him to go for a walk or something. I just shook my head. He asked if I was still willing to talk about the issue and said he'd wait for me to stop crying. I was shell shocked. He knows I hate yelling and that he's not to yell or use vulgar language at me. I just sat there while he went on about finances, stress, his counseling, and I just nodded along. He'd ask me questions but I just didn't know. He just talked and talked (my husband will talk himself into a hole if no one stops him) and at the end just was looking at me and asking what I wanted. Like I knew. I didn't and told him so. He sighed and went to bed. I didn't get much sleep that night.

For his part he tells me he's been seeing a therapist and that he "has to defend me to them". That hurt. He tries to make up after fights by getting me nice things or doing the chores I ask him to do in the first place. He is always willing to sit down and talk and is usually very understanding but lately I've felt like he doesn't take me seriously and he doesn't think I'm responsible or capable. He nags me a lot.

How can I talk to my husband about his anger and his explosions without him ... ya know .. exploding at me? That I'm literally growing his child and I'm tired all the time and cranky. He say's he knows this and that he takes that into consideration but he has to stand up for himself which usually leads into a fight. I'm just tired of it all and now I worry about him with a baby around which he says is really unfair because I have problems too. His plan is "just to try our best like any other family" but right now his best is really worrying me.

TL;DR: My husband explodes in anger during arguments. How can I talk to him about it?

*Edit* - We've discussed couples therapy and my husband I booking it.
*Second edit* This has been an eye opener. I've gotten comments ranging from 'my husband is a stressed out saint that I don't listen to' to 'my husband (who's only ever yelled at me twice) is an abuser and I need to be safe' and everything in between. I've seen comment ask me about personal info and basically take sides when what I wanted was tips on how to converse with my husband without setting him off. To the people who offered sound advice advice, shared experiences, and personal observations, THANK YOU! I'll be sitting him down tonight and I'll be listening. To the people that offered no advice but instead made unwarranted judgments and assertions to either myself or my husband, you suck and your comments sucked.

Submitted October 28, 2019 at 09:33AM by dcgirl007 https://ift.tt/2plKO76