I’ve been together with my wife for 7 years, 6 out which we’ve been married. We don’t have children but this year the conversation about it started.
I’m an established professional in my work field in a team management position. She’s also a manager in her work field. We own a house (rather, have a mortgage on it).
She’s heavily into socializing with friends (most of them are single), which I don’t mind in the slightest, while I, myself, get to take care of my hobbies in her absence, be it playing music or video games.
Overall I wouldn’t call our relationships bad, despite having occasional (verbal) fights with even rarer physical and verbal assaults that I’ve received from her.
Last year was a rough year though. That year I was physically assaulted by her, and right after that, she said that she doesn’t respect me and never did. I, in response, packed my bags the next day and left to sleep in a hotel for a couple of days without saying anything, until she came to my workplace to ask for forgiveness.
I asked her to participate in family therapy or seek a therapist herself, and she opted into the latter.
It appeared to be going well, but via our family's iCloud account I noticed that she had tinder and hppn installed. I, obviously, confronted her about that in order to get clarity, and she said that she was upset, installed it out of spite and didn’t really use it. What can I say, I trust her so that explanation satisfied me.
Fwd one year ahead, I felt that she’s distancing herself from me even further. She started going to festivals where she abuses speed and ecstasy, and for a person who rarely drinks it felt extremely out of character.
I started to get suspicious, and to my own disappointment of myself, I decided to read her WhatsApp messages. I stumbled upon flirtatious messages with one of her colleagues [~35M] who’s wife cheated on him, but they’ve stayed together for 3 kids that they have. I confronted her about that as well, to which she responded that she doesn’t know why she does that, it doesn’t mean anything, and how I should trust her. I would, if the weekend after they wouldn’t be going to a corporate party together and other colleagues. Now let me get this clear: I don’t think she cheated on me, but she did take drugs at the corporate party, self admittedly MDMA. Professionalism aside (I don’t think a manager should be taking drugs in front of his/her employees), she was the kind of person who would judge people that do just that, as in, take drugs at the work event.
Another month passed and I had to go on a sudden work trip oversees for 10 days. During that time she, again, went to a party where she took a ridiculous amount of speed up to the point she couldn’t fall asleep until midday the next day.
Now when I got back, I noticed her barely acknowledging my existence. Not only that, usually, after a long separation we would have wild sex, but sadly, my advances were not well received. Being dissatisfied with the state of affairs, I’ve decided to start a conversation about it that landed us in a state we’re in now.
And the state is as follows:
She’s not sure if she’s happy with our relationships, she’s also not sure what exactly makes her happy. Be it friends, work or parties. She wants to know who she really is, which I can relate to, to a certain extent. She wants to go into therapy again, which I fully support, but she wants me to act as if nothing happens, all the while dry spelling until she figures herself out.
Now, this is where my survival instinct kicked in, and I said, that I support her decision, but since her independence, as a personality, is what she wants to explore, I think we’d be better off if we get a divorce. I don’t feel comfortable sitting around patiently while she parties and meet men who she then exchanged contact details with (self admittedly, and not once).
Where does reddit come in:
Of course, after seven years of relationships, and living unaware of her issues, all of this comes as a surprise to me. I still have my doubts if I really want to have a divorce (after all, I still love that person), but I feel like if at the end of her therapy she decides that she doesn't love me anymore, it's going to be way rougher for me mentally. Plus during her treatment, having that person effectively emotionally separated from me, while living by my side, is going to be difficult as well.
What do you reckon I should do?
TL;DR: Wife isn't sure if she's happy with me, or who she is a person. Those questions arose after minor substance abuse and overall distancing from me.
Submitted October 28, 2019 at 07:23AM by throwawayz667 https://ift.tt/36f51Mj
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