I [26f] am attracted only to women but I'm having a hard time accepting what life looks like as a lesbian

I'm a 26 year old woman sexually attracted only to women. I've tried men and had a serious boyfriend for almost a year but we broke up, mostly because I never wanted to have sex with him. After doing a lot of soul searching, I accepted that I'm sexually attracted to women (though I've known in the back of my mind since I was probably 17).

I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. You have no idea how badly I want to be straight. I want to feel the way other girls feel towards men, but I'm not able to and it kills me. It feels like this is the only part of my life that's "missing". Everything else in my life is perfect -- I have an amazing career, I have amazing friends, I have so much I love in life, and yet I feel like I'm never going to get married to someone I'm crazy about and have kids and a dog and a house and a whole life together with.

I've been trying to meet other gay women through dating apps for a year and a half now but I barely get any matches or replies, let alone match with someone I feel a genuine connection with. When I'm on the dating apps, I get a ton of matches and messages and compliments from men, and they're good-looking, charming, smart, funny men that I also usually have more in common with (like books or philosophy or movies). I also work in a male-dominated industry (tech) and all of it seems almost like a cruel joke from the universe. My life would be infinitely easier if I were straight. I see my friends who are all in happy relationships with men they're crazy about and I just wish I could feel that way about men and have what they have.

I live in Seattle in Capitol Hill (which is supposed to be one of the best lesbian cities + neighborhoods to live) and so I'm not even sure what this means for my future, because this means the problem isn't my location, it's me. To be honest, I'm starting to feel very hopeless and bitter about being a woman who's attracted to women.

I'm not sure what my future looks like but I feel like I'm going to live my life alone and it's a hard pill to swallow. I'm thinking about moving somewhere new but would that even help with anything? New York maybe?

tldr; I'm attracted to women but I feel like I'm never going to find someone I'm crazy about and want to build a future with.

Submitted October 30, 2019 at 06:26PM by ilovebooks3555 https://ift.tt/2Pyq6f5