UPDATE: I broke up with him today and there was no drama. Thank you all so much for your honesty, it was needed. I’m moving on.
Ok, sorry this is so long, but dilemma- I met this guy like two months ago, online basically through tinder. He followed my instagram (I had it listed bc I don't go on tinder much) and proceeded to like all my pictures and stories. It was kinda excessive so I actually paid his page some attention, saw that he'd messaged me asking me out. He was actually attractive and seemed to have life together (from the pictures).
This is the progression of the way things have gone, and I'm being detailed bc the small flags all add up. Date 1 went great, date 2 was a little weird bc he got me an expensive ($100) present and his over the top kind and gentlemanly behavior (opening doors, paying bills, helping me stand and sit etc) were a little much but I was adjusting bc he's from eastern europe and he says it's just his culture. By date 3 (week 3), he announced that he was in love with me. We had gone to a drinking event so we were both kinda tipsy so I ignored it. He continued saying it sober the next day. I didn't say it back and was freaked out but it's not unheard of and he hasn't done anything shady yet so I didn't cut him off. Date 4, week 4, he got a bit jealous that another man complimented me and said he's getting me a ring so people will know I'm not single. Pause. I am single. He says where he's from dating and exclusivity are the same thing and he was unaware I thought I was single. After a talk, I agree to test out being his girlfriend, because he's a sweet guy and treats me amazingly and why not. Let's see where this goes. This was against my preferences but I was willing to try it out.
It's now been about two months. He's constantly all day telling me I'm his beautiful princess, his baby, his forever soul mate and endless compliments to the point that it feels excessive, giving me money or buying me gifts, making possessive comments or telling me I can't have male friends or respond to messages on my social media etc and tells me to tell people I'm married if they ask. Even talking about potential engagement/marriage within the year. He also constantly compares me to other girls (I'm black, he's white) by saying I'm not ghetto and I don't use slang or cuss (I do, I just can turn it on and off and I grew up in a poor neighborhood so I set him straight) and just a lot of judging and saying I'm different than these other women. Lately it's progressed to being on the phone a TON during the day when I'm not working and he gets a little...covertly snippy if I want alone time and says I have to tell him when I leave places and when I get home, if I forget or take too long bc I stopped to run errands he calls me acting stern and concerned.
Current- I lost it on Friday when we went to an art exhibit and he kept grabbing on me sexually and making lewd comments *around other people* which was embarrassing and I told him to stop several times and he just kept doing it, and taking pictures/videos of me etc because I'm "so pretty." I was still upset and cranky over it and felt... my skin crawling from him groping on me when we got to lunch so he gave me a couple hundred via app for no real reason and I feel like it was to "make up." We were supposed to meet Sunday but I was burned out on him. I was distant and just texted on Saturday and then on Sunday I woke up to a couple of missed calls from him and texts asking if I'm "safe and ok" when he KNOWS I am bc I texted him and posted on snapchat with my kids all day Saturday. I told him I needed a day to myself and would need to cancel us meeting up, and he said that's fine but I shouldn't 'disappear' (I never did, I just didn't call and texted back instead). He STILL tried to call me a few hours later. We haven't talked since Sunday morning. I need space or I'm going to implode but idk if we're just incompatible? He's normally a really sweet guy and amazing to me but the downsides are getting to me and I feel like I have to fit into a certain box of 'perfect ladylike princess' whenever we engage and it's exhausting despite me telling him multiple times to stop putting me on a pedestal/acting like I'm perfect. I've been single for two years and am a huge solitary introvert so all this attention and constant affection is entirely freaking me out. I *told* him I am very independent and not a touchy clingy person on the first date and he's still doing this.
Are these things that can be talked out, is there an appropriate way to even start to get into all this or should I just call it quits? I feel even worse because he seems so invested and I'm still whatever on the whole thing because I've been single for so long and my default is to just be by myself, and maybe I'm not letting him be human/mess up and I need to communicate more. What advice do y'all have on whether to try to address it or leave? Is this even a cultural thing?
TLDR; My boyfriend of two months is freaking me out with all his possessiveness, over the top affection and groping and money giving. Unsure if it can be addressed with him, or if I should just leave.
Submitted October 28, 2019 at 01:50PM by throwaway43028 https://ift.tt/2NnDWOD
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