Boyfriend lacks ambition, romance and interest in the world around him. I am the complete opposite. Am I just postponing an unavoidable break-up by staying with him, even though he is the kindest person I have met?

I'll try to keep this long story as short as I can.

I (F30) have been with my boyfriend (M30) for over 2 years. We live together, and up until a month or so ago everything was fine (a few ups and downs here and there, but nothing crazy). Recently though there are a few things about him that have been bugging me more and more. He seems to lack ambition and drive in life (as the rose tainted glasses of new romance are starting to come off this is becoming clearer and clearer to me). He works at a low paid job he dislikes but never tries to apply for any other jobs. He has a university education, but he does nothing with it - he doesn't even seem to try (In fact, he will see ads for jobs and express that he wants to apply for them, but in the end I am the one who has to help him apply as he never gets started in his cover letter or CV). He doesn't seem to be interested in learning or developing: he never reads, never listens to podcasts or books, is rarely interested in documentaries, never initiates a discussion about anything. He is uninterested in music and is generally uncreative. He said he wanted to help me photoshop some details of some paintings I have done so I could make them into posters to (potentially) sell, but even though I got him Photoshop for that single purpose he never touches it, even though he knows how much that project means to me. He enjoys movies very different from my taste (for example, he likes Hollywood style comedies with Adam Sandler, and I really don't). He does not seem to reflect much on society around him. He doesn't talk much - and when he does, he has a hard time expressing himself. He is very unromantic, and it would never occur to him to take me out on a spontaneous dinner date or get me flowers or anything like that. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean for these things to sound judgmental or negative - they are simply facts. These are not complaints: I am aware that I can walk out any minute, but there are reasons I don't.

You see, he is also one of the kindest people I have ever met. He never judges anyone, and he is always loving and understanding, no matter what. He always listens to me, though he never contributes with much conversation. He has been there for me when I have had some tough times - albeit only physically but HE WAS ALWAYS THERE, supporting me and holding me through dark moments. He truly has a pure heart, and I trust him completely. On top of that, I find him extremely attractive - he is truly one of the sexiest men I have ever seen. That being said, I am starting to find him less attractive nowadays due to his lack of ambition.

His personality is in stark contrast to mine. I love learning things - whatever it is, through whatever media, in whatever way. I am working towards a doctoral degree in psychology and it feels totally right. When I can afford it, I also like to go out to bars and restaurants - well, at least I used to. Peoplewatching and just chatting shit over drinks can be so much fun. Sadly, our conversations mostly consist of questions asked by me, answered in a few words by him and rarely asked back. Yes, our conversations stall, all the time.

Anyway, in my spare time, I like to listen to podcasts or radio programs about psychology, history or science - but some of my favourite hobbies are painting and playing music (mostly piano, but I can play the guitar and ukelele badly). I feel like a very driven person, and I want to go as far as I can in my field while also contributing to society. I'm really not trying to pat myself on the back here - this is just who I am (and believe me, it's not all good). The point that I am trying to make is that I can share very little of these things with him - things that are essential to me. When it comes to romance in a relationship, I try to show him how special he is by bringing home something I thought he might like, or prepare his favourite dinner, or spoil him when he's had a tough week at work. He rarely, if ever, does anything like that. In fact, because he often seems so unaware of what is happening around him, I feel like I sometimes have to mother him by pointing out obvious things that need to be done in the house (i.e. carrying the mental load; "Can you please clean the stove after you have spilled stuff all over it", "The laundry basket is overflowing, do you think you could maybe wash some clothes as I am too busy to do it?", "We are running out of washing powder, can you buy some on your way home from work"? etc etc etc).

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What should I do? Am I postponing something inevitable by staying with him, or is there hope for us?

Before you ask: Yes - I have brought the unromantic and 'mothering' issue up with him (several times) - but we always end up where we begun. And yes, we do have some fun together: mostly when playing rocket league:/ and sometimes a card game.

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TL;DR: Bf (M30) is very kind and loving but lacks ambition, romance drive and does not want to learn, discuss or talk about the world around him. I (F30) am the complete opposite - I love to learn, think romance is important and is very ambitious. Should I break up?

Submitted October 30, 2019 at 06:12PM by heffaclump https://ift.tt/321SSXS