My roommate's parents have been staying with us for two months and I am annoyed. Some background:
We share a two-bedroom apartment in a major city. We had not met before moving in together, but a friend of a friend introduced us. We have generally made really good roommates. We talked on the phone once before moving in and she mentioned that her parents would sometimes come stay with her for large chunks of time (about a month - they are from Southeast Asia and speak very little English). She said that this happened before in her last place, and that they were very respectful of her roommates and would mostly keep to themselves. They are in our city to take care of medical issues, green card application stuff, and see friends.
They arrived at my apartment two months ago and there have been some issues.
They cook a lot and have taken over the fridge, so I can't put any of my own food in the fridge. I haven't gone grocery shopping in two months. They sometimes cook for me, but when they do, there is no warning and they get very offended if I don't eat their food. The have never told me they'll be cooking for me beforehand, I just come home and they tell me my dinner is ready, even if I've already eaten or have made other plans. They will say "we made this for you specifically" and take offense if I don't eat.
Another issue is that they've commandeered the kitchen, including our sink. Because of the language barrier it is near impossible to get across that I don't want them to wash my dishes. I know this seems like a silly problem, but they washed my cast iron pan which destroyed it, despite me telling them not to wash it.
They have said several times that I am their second daughter, and they want me to feel like they are my "uncle" and "auntie," but I would never be able to talk to them like parents, and I will always be respectful - they are houseguests to me, not family.
They are generally respectful of my use of the house. For example, if they're watching TV, they'll ask if I want the TV. However, I never tell them to leave because I feel the need to be respectful. I've never asked them to leave the living room, even when they offer, I go and watch TV on my computer. This is true of the kitchen table and kitchen as well, and has led to me spending all my time in my room, unless they're not home. Since they don't work they're often home during the day. Part of my job involves working from home, and I have been unable to use my space as I'd like to for my job.
I know my roommate is annoyed at their presence as well. The three of them are sharing her bedroom and they've been spending nearly every waking moment together for the past two months. But because she feels like they've been inconveniencing her, she thinks they haven't inconvenienced me. It's especially difficult to talk to her about this because they're always in our apartment, so we haven't had a moment to discuss this alone.
The final straw was last night. I tried to bring someone home and her parents were sitting in the living room as we entered. Obviously my date left, and I can't blame him. He felt massively uncomfortable knowing my roommate's parents were there. I get it - my roommate feels the same way. She asked her parents to leave so her boyfriend could stay for a week. She's aware of the inconvenience, but doesn't seem to think it impacts me.
I have been very chill about this and not complained until now. Perhaps I should have, because now I feel like I don't have any leverage since I've tacitly allowed the situation to persist. Last week I asked if they might be amenable to paying a third of our rent for the month. They stayed longer than even my roommate expected, plus her boyfriend is coming for a week which will be over two months of continuous houseguests. They've been paying our electric bill (~ $150/month) and I don't think money is an issue for them; I think it's largely a cultural choice that they chose to stay with her instead of an airbnb or a hotel. My roommate got upset that I asked them to chip in for rent and aggressively said no - that I had agreed to this and that it was an unfair ask since, as she said, they have been sharing her space, not mine.
So the question: How do I tell her that I didn't understand how it would be, that they're essentially third and forth roommates who don't pay rent, that the fact that they're respectful doesn't mean they haven't taken up space? Thankfully they now have an end date and are leaving soon - is it even worth it to bring this up? Or should I let it go and find a new roommate when my lease is up early next summer? It's possible that they will visit again. Any advice would be so appreciated.
TL;DR: my roommate's parents have been living with us for two months, she doesn't think it's an issue. How do I talk to her about this?
Submitted October 27, 2019 at 07:56PM by roommateprobs720 https://ift.tt/2WnWT82
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