After a really rough couple of days questioning my sanity, I [25 F] would sincerely appreciate an outside opinion on this argument that my husband [30 M] and I are having.
Brief background: We met when I was 17 and he was 22 and started dating when I turned 18. He's been my first everything: kiss, sex, etc. We had high highs and low lows, but I feel that things averaged out to a pretty beautiful relationship. We knew I was likely going to be moving for grad school, so we ended up getting married when I was 21 because we felt, at the time, that it would be easier to have our first year of marriage when I was still in undergrad rather than an intensive graduate program. I did end up getting into a PhD program and we moved to a larger city and things have been pretty great. He has a great job here, we've made some friends, have a little animal horde that we love to pieces, the whole 9 yards.
Now, to the 'juicy' part. The majority of PhD programs have a 'check' around year 3/4 in which you essentially give a write up on what you think your thesis will be on and present in front of your committee. Things go well and you become a PhD candidate. Things don't go well and a myriad of things can happen ranging from strong suggestions to change your topic all the way to having to leave the program. With that in mind, I've been working relentlessly for the last month preparing for this. My husband's main hobby is video games, and he's started to play with a fairly big group of people on Discord and can get... quite rowdy. We live in an area that has a very high cost of living, so our house is pretty small and it's impossible to get away from the noise. However, I just put on my headphones and try to drown him out because he should be able to relax in his own home. The night before my exam, I asked him if he would mind just playing solo games for that night so that I could practice my talk and not be cloistered into our bedroom (the quietest place in the house). He said no worries and then, two hours later, was on the game. I waited 30 min for the match to be over and politely reminded him of our agreement. He told me he wasn't being super loud and I shouldn't be anxious about practicing because his friends didn't care if they could hear me. I attempted to explain that it was distracting, I was a nervous wreck, etc. but it just fell on deaf ears. Embarrassingly, I kind of lost it after my 3rd attempt at asking him to stop and started bawling and begging him to please just give me one night. He refused and I ended up in the bedroom practicing and crying.
The plot twist is that he has just been digging in that he was completely justified in playing and that I'm being incredibly selfish asking him to not play that evening. Going into how I knew I was going to pass and therefore being dramatic, I'm making it about myself, etc. I did end up passing (huzzah!) and drove back home to my parents to celebrate because he didn't even say congratulations and didn't even call that evening. This is a massive deal in my education and my uncle actually didn't pass this exam and had to go to a different institution. I'm completely devastated that he couldn't put this fight aside and at least acknowledge this accomplishment.
My point in making this post was to throw this question out into the interwebs - was it unreasonable for me to ask him to not be on Discord for the evening before the major exam?
tl;dr: Wife asks for some god damn peace and quiet night before massive exam in grad school, husband declines and loudly plays Overwatch and still thinks his wife is selfish for asking
Submitted October 25, 2019 at 04:19PM by Desperate_Throwaways https://ift.tt/2BPUrxj
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