I (31F) love to cook for me and my fiancé (32M). I have loved to cook for much of my adult life, and I’m pretty good at it. My fiancé demonstrably enjoys my cooking because he eats all of it and eats the leftovers. I do all the cooking for us and I enjoy it so I don’t complain or ask him to help. He has told me, when I asked, that he would prefer that I do cook to me not cooking, and that he feels it adds value to his life.
But! Cooking food has steps that go into it. Meal planning, grocery shopping, prepping, and dishes. And he has to participate in some of that stuff because I want to make food he enjoys and because I don’t make as much money as him.
So I run recipes and recipe changes by him sometimes, I ask him if he has adds to the grocery list, he and I place the online grocery order together, and once a month or so I ask him to do a load of dishes while I get dinner started in order to prevent a delay in dinner being ready.
And all of that sets him off. He gets angry, uncomfortable, mean, and/or ignores me while I’m talking directly to him. We generally have a good relationship. This is unusual. But it’s a pattern: I talk about the logistics of feeding us, and he gets mad and mean.
I asked him why this pattern occurs and he simply said he doesn’t know. He said it’s not that he resents that I’ve effectively taken the lead in a part of our lives, which I suspected. He said it’s not that I am partially telling him how to spend his money by making a grocery list for us, which I also suspected. He said it’s not even that he wishes I could do it all with 0 input from him (which I would be willing to do, but I would prefer to be able to make sure he’ll like something before I cook it for the first time or change the way I cook it, which is why I ask).
Does anyone know what might be going on? I don’t need his praise or appreciation. But I do need him not to be mean and ignore me just because I’m talking about chuck roast.
TL;DR— I cook for me and my fiancé and I love doing it. But whenever I ask him about recipes he’d enjoy, ask him to place a grocery order with me, or otherwise mention the logistics of feeding us, he gets mad and a little mean. He doesn’t know why he does it. Any ideas?
Submitted August 26, 2019 at 09:37PM by AnotherWitch https://ift.tt/33XpDYu
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