Today is the anniversary of my mother passing away from cancer and it's a very difficult day for me every year. Several days ago, I told my boyfriend this day was approaching and he was sympathetic and supportive. When this day rolls around, I don't like to talk about it. I prefer to remain distracted and just try to focus on the present and not dwell on the past as that's how I work through the pain, but it still consumes my thoughts for much of the day and really brings me down.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We've had our share of ups and downs, and our fights get pretty bad pretty quickly. I am always walking on eggshells around him as he can go from 0 - 100 in about 2 seconds flat. He has a very short fuse and lets his imagination get the best of him, getting mad at me for things he THINKS to be true (that aren't true) and not giving me the chance to explain my point of view.
Anyway, things have been less than ideal the past few months. We've had many arguments that have escalated very quickly, resulting in him mocking me, yelling in my face, throwing my belongings, etc. Tonight we got into another one of these arguments and he once again turned into a rage monster because of the conspiracy going on in his head. He often interrupts me and doesn't let me get a full thought out before dismissing me. He finally told me to "start thinking and stop talking" and told me he wasn't listening to anything else I had to say. I had plenty more to say (due to the constant interruptions) but bit my tongue in an attempt to not make things worse. I followed up with, "Okay that's fine, but we need to continue this conversation later" and he snapped at me for continuing to talk.
Tears began to pour from my eyes, immediately and without control or warning. He told me to turn off the waterworks, and I responded with, "Please, don't. I have had a really rough day". He replied, "I'm not going to have sympathy for you" and it was obvious to me that he had forgotten what today was. I had bottled my feelings up all day and suffered through everything on my own, and I guess this argument just pushed me over the edge.
This is where things got really shitty. I asked him if he forgot what today was and he replied saying I didn't tell him anything about today. I insisted that I did, and after a few seconds of him pondering, the light apparently went on in his head and he said (paraphrasing):
"I am sorry for your loss, but you didn't say anything to me about it all day, even on the phone when I asked you how your day was, and I told you all about my shitty day at work. You clearly don't trust me enough to talk to me about it. You bringing it up now to try and end an argument, get sympathy from me, and make me feel guilty is really tacky. How was it even a rough day?"
Me: "It was rough because it's a constant reminder of the worst day of my life, it looms over me all day and really brings me down."
Him: "Oh great, you're being vague. What you're saying doesn't make any sense and is just a cop-out. Stop lying. I'm done with this conversation."
My heart fucking sank into my chest when he said those things. I felt so incredibly hurt. I couldn't believe that he would infer that. I tried to explain to him that what he said was extremely hurtful and disrespectful; that he has no right to tell me how I should or should not be choosing to deal with such an emotional burden and that all I wanted in order to feel better was to be distracted from it, not confront it (a notion, at which, he scoffed); the fact that he was making it about HIM by acting all upset that I "don't trust him enough to talk about it" was selfish. Just the fact that my explanation for why the anniversary of my mother's death was not satisfactory to him really pissed me off. Why the FUCK should I even have to explain why that would sour my mood? And why the FUCK does he think he can dictate how I honestly answer his question, and then call bullshit on the whole thing? He just kept staring at his phone and saying, "cool" in response to everything I said, insisting that I was the one being disrespectful because earlier when we were on the phone, I was doing things (dishes, feeding the dogs, dealing with the kids) while he was telling me about his day. Even though I was able to recite the events of his day back to him, he was adamant that I was the selfish one and that I was just trying to flip it all around on him. He told me he refused to come to bed with me and he's sleeping on the couch now, like he always does after gaslighting me, leaving me alone to wallow in my anxiety.
Is this my breaking point? Finally? Or am I overreacting? I am now thoroughly confused. He has me feeling like I'm losing my mind, like my thoughts are going in circles and I can't recall fact from fiction at this point. Furthermore, I am completely crushed. I feel so hurt but at the same time, numb. Like I hate that he said those things about my mother but also, I'm not really surprised he did. And I hate that I'm not surprised.
TL;DR: Boyfriend and I got into another argument due to his anger issues, and he ended up insulting me for being upset on the anniversary of my mother's death, accusing me of using that as a means to make him feel guilty.
Submitted August 27, 2019 at 10:45PM by bfhelp12 https://ift.tt/2Ub1wRq
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