I (27F) finally opened up to my ex (24M) about the trauma he caused me in our relationship and he said it was a joke

TL;DR - for the first time I opened up to my ex about the trauma he caused me and he never had bad intentions and only did the things he did as a joke

I broke it off with my ex (24M) a few months ago. The break up was ugly. He left me with a huge financial burden (not paying rent and taking my credit card and spending it like crazy). He was just a emotionally abusive and very manipulative person who always played the victim every time. Luckily it only lasted 5 months so not too many feelings were involved but I’ve had some of my darkest times in those months.

He reached out to me to hang out and I declined. He asked me why I don’t want to hang out as friends and I told him I’m still healing from the trauma he caused me. He said he was confused since he doesn’t have feelings anymore and I don’t either so why not be friends. I sent him a long text telling him how much trauma he caused me and now when I think about him I just think of rage.

There were nights I was home from work and wanted to rest and he would (playfully) force himself on me after I asked him many times to get off. He would get very rough and just yank me like I was a rag doll. I think and flashback to these times and it just made me angry. I remember one time I shoved him off with all my might and he would yell at me like “what you’re not attracted to me anymore?!!” To which I felt extremely bad for. I asked him politely many times to get off of me and he wouldn’t, thinking it was funny. I just don’t think anyone deserves this kind of treatment in a relationship and I’m glad I got the courage to walk away.

After telling him this, he just replied “oh sorry, I was kidding at the time didn’t know it triggered you. I want to apologize and didn’t mean harm from it, I’m just affectionate towards my girlfriend. You say no all the time jokingly so I didn’t think you were serious.” Well being physically abusive isn’t a form of affection after I asked him multiple times to stop. I still have anger until now. He dismissed me as being sensitive and he didn’t mean harm so I should get over it. I told him I never want to see him again but wish him the best. The reason I haven’t gone no contact is because he owes me $4K and he’s slowly paying me back.

Am I wrong for being triggered and traumatized? Even though I got the apology I should have gotten a LONG time ago, I don’t feel better. And him being dismissive about it as a joke just isn’t helping.

Submitted August 30, 2019 at 01:18PM by shockedpikachu123 https://ift.tt/2ZrYHBy