My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year, and have been friends for several years before that. We don’t live together, but live within walking distance of each other and spend most weekends together. We also typically spend an evening or two during the week with each other. We both have hobbies, reasonably successful careers, and friendships. We spend time with each other’s friends and family, but also make time for our own friends and family separately.
For context, “Tim” and I met when I was in my early twenties working at a local pub, and he was a regular patron. I have always known he was a drinker, and it has never bothered me because 1) I am also a drinker, and 2) drinking does not change Tim’s personality or behavior, or interfere negatively with the way he functions in day to day life. He does not drink at inappropriate times or drink and drive.
However, recently, two people close to me have expressed concern about Tim’s drinking. At the same time, a more specific issue has emerged over the past few months that I had put off discussing until recently. The issue is this: I can’t drink as heavily or stay out as late as I use to, and sometimes alcohol + general tiredness = me hitting a low-energy wall and wanting to call it a night. So, I’d say 15% of the nights Tim and I are out together — just the two of us, at local bars we go to all the time, already several drinks in — I want to go home earlier than Tim does. This ends in him getting annoyed that I want to leave, me getting annoyed that he wants to stay at the bar alone without me after what I consider to have been a full night, and both of us leaving and going to bed unhappy with the situation.
I don’t want to be a bossy girlfriend and tell Tim what to do. I also wouldn’t have an issue with leaving by myself while he stays behind if, say, we were out with other people or attending a party or something of that nature. I also have no issue with him going out to eat and have a few drinks alone during the week, which he does often, or going out with his friends without me. I don’t consider myself to be controlling or jealous, and I’m not afraid that he will cheat on me (which he has implied that he thinks is my concern). However, when Tim wants to stay at the bar alone while I go home and spend the night by myself (like I said, we don’t live together), it hurts my feelings and makes me feel like he is choosing drinking over me. Usually when this happens, I want to leave at, say, eleven, rather than one. We argued about this and he said I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Am I being unreasonable?
Tl;dr — sometimes I want to leave the bar earlier than my boyfriend does, and it causes arguments between us. I am unsure if it is unreasonable for me to have hurt feelings over this.
Submitted August 26, 2019 at 11:28AM by USernameitisme https://ift.tt/324LfAn
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