Ex-boyfriend (31/M) and I (30/F) are in the same friend group. He hangs out with them still all the time and I no longer feel comfortable because he wants nothing to do with me. Want to talk to him to be on good terms but don't think he wants to. What to do?

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. We were together for 9 months and were friends for 7 years before and are in the same group of friends. I am completely devastated. Our lifestyles do not match- he parties pretty much every night and does not know what he wants for his future. I used to be the same way but have toned down over the past few years and know that I would like to eventually get married and settle down. He broke up with me because he felt like he couldn't meet my expectations and felt bad dragging me along and not being able to give me what I want when he is such a "mess and immature."

We both have been going to the same bar regularly for the past 10 years. Our entire friend group from over the years is people we both met from there too. He still goes to the bar hangs out with them all the time and I no longer feel welcome or comfortable going. He lives 5 minutes away, while I'm a 45 min drive from everyone. I also deal with a chronic illness (I became ill 3 years ago) which makes it harder for me to go out. When we were together he was my primary form of social interaction- he came over several nights/days per week and we would go out to hang out with our friends together about once per week when I felt up to it.

Now that we are broken up I feel completely alone, left out, and isolated. I have become severely depressed and feel angry and jealous that he is out having fun with our friends all the time while I am at home sick and alone. Since I have severe fatigue due to the illness- it makes going out or doing anything extremely difficult and many times impossible- my friendships have suffered a lot because I see people much less now. He is "more/stronger" friends with most of the group since he sees them all them time.

I saw him out in the first couple after we broke up a few times it was awful- he ignored me and it felt awful and uncomfortable/awkward and it made me even more heart-broken. I have avoided going out since. I tried to talk to him a about 2 weeks after we broke up about this- how to deal with having the same friends but he ignored my calls and sent me a cold, terse text the next day saying that he would like to to try to be friends but wanted to know what it was that I wanted since I initially said I couldn't go back to being friends with him. I didn't respond because I was still a mess and hurt and angry.

He has made zero attempts to contact me. I have only been out to see our friends once since then. I was super anxious about running into him but found out he wasn't going out that night. Some of our friends had texted him asking where he was and I know that he knew through them I was out too- I 100% believe the only reason didn't come out was because he wanted to avoid seeing me. It really, really hurt to know he didn't want to see me.

I want to talk to him so that we are at least friendly again so that I can feel comfortable being able going out again. I still love him and am (unrealisticily and stupidly because I know he is not really the one for me) clinging to the hope that we will get back together at some point. I know everyone says it's a terrible idea but I want him in my life as a friend again- he was my best friend and I want our friendship back so badly. It is very hard for me to meet other people because of my illness and none of my/our friends have cars because they live in city so no one comes to visit me. I know he still cares about me from what friends say but I don't understand how you can go from loving someone and being such a big part of each other's lives with all of the sudden not talking at all and wanting nothing to do with them.

I texted him today and asked if we could talk on the phone about something. He replied that he was away until tomorrow with little service but didn’t say anything about calling me back. He then messaged me again later to say he had wifi now “just so you know.” I said I didn’t want to bother him while he was on a trip but asked if he could call me when he got back and he never responded. I don’t want to push him further away but would really like to talk to him. What should I do?

TL;DR- Would like to talk to ex and be on good terms because of many mutual friends and hangout spots but don’t think he wants to even talk to me.

Submitted August 27, 2019 at 05:08PM by kayla9976 https://ift.tt/2U8WmW6