title continued: me not showing enough attention
Run down of what's going on personally:
My mother (who in all honesty, I was not super close with) just committed suicide. It is hitting my 3 little sisters much harder than me, and I am very close to them. I live about 6 hours away from them and can't go home for 3 weeks, because I can't miss time at work now and again for the funeral. I found out at about 1am Monday morning, the day that I had to return to school after summer break. I work at a high school.
When I got to work the next day I saw that my boss, whom I work very closely with and like, is in much worse condition than I expected--he was diagnosed with a terminal illness at the end of last year, but I didn't think it'd be so bad so quick. I don't suspect he will make it through this year.
My relationship:
I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year, and the whole time it's been great. We spend a ton of time together. We enjoy each others company. She took care of me for a couple days after a truck hit me while I was riding my motorcycle and I had to get surgery. We talk about any disagreements and fix things quickly. We love each other.
I told her she did not need to comeback from her trip as she left for a 16 day Italian vacation the day before this all happened. I'm still in the US. I told her she really should enjoy the vacation, she saved for a long time to go on it. I have 0 issue with her staying.
The issue:
I've told my gf about all that's happened over the phone. I told her all the feelings I'm having--and I am no someone who talks about their feelings. I also told her that those feelings cause me quieter and less fun/flirty/chatty.
Her phone was stolen, so she can only talk when she's at her airbnb and has wifi for her old iPad.
Over the past week, I've acted exactly how I said I would. I've asked her what she and her friends will be up to, but I have not been lovely dovey or anything and I feel like I don't have anything to add to the convo, I don't feel like talking to anyone, but I do like hearing about what she's doing, so I ask. I've told her I miss her and love her, but certainly not as much as usual.
Yesterday, we were chatting over text. Near the end she said something to the effect of me flying out there (as a flirty joke) and I responded that I couldn't, 'because I'm sitting here rotting away.' That upset her, she wanted me to say I'd cross oceans for her. She said my response was mean. At the end of the conversation she said, "bye, I love you." and I said, "bye babe, I hope you have a great day tomorrow." Knowing that her day was going to be half over before I woke up. She responded with a very long text that ended with, "Just look back at our messages at how I talk to you and you talk to me. I'm thousands of miles away, different time zone, and limited opportunity to communicate. And it would not kill you to say I love you before I go to sleep." I said, "I’m sorry babe, I love you. I’m in a bad mood and being sweet feels really hard rn, I'll try and do better." She responded with another long text about how it doesn't take much effort to say 'I love you.'
Today we've been in an argument all day, though we've only talked in spurts as she's been out visiting Pompeii. Eventually, I said her asking me to be different while I'm grieving is being selfish. Now she's really mad.
At this point, I want to break up, but I know that's mostly likely because I'm feeling really emotional right now and that I will be really upset with myself later on if I make that decision now. So, I'm seeing if anyone has any advice about what I can do in this situation.
---
**TL;DR;** :
My girlfriend is upset that I'm not showing the normal amount of attention that I show while she's on vacation, but my mom just committed suicide and it feels difficult. I've tried explaining how it's affecting me, but she doesn't seem to get it.
Submitted August 27, 2019 at 01:29PM by runner1359 https://ift.tt/2NBVV5K
No comments:
Post a Comment