So this is gonna be a pretty boring one for most people I'm afraid.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, moved in together in July. For the most part everything is great, we get along super well, and rarely argue. The issue is that when we do argue things can get blown out of proportion very quickly. Specifically when something comes up where we are diametrically opposed in viewpoint.
As a for instance: yesterday he noticed he missed a call from someone he was scheduled to speak with as we were leaving to run to the grocery store. He tried calling back twice, once before we left and once in the car on the way over. He was about to try again as I was parking so I asked him to wait until we were done in the store. This just spiraled. I didn't feel it was an odd request to save a business call until after we were done a quick grocery store run, he didn't feel like it was a big deal to be on a business call while we were grocery shopping. He felt as though I was just being cranky for no reason, and I felt as though he was getting combative over a reasonable request. So then it became an argument over how I get cranky for no reason/how he gets combative over reasonable requests.
That pretty insignificant issue ended up being a full blown argument which ended up with him leaving the room for a couple hours until I went in and basically said that we need to figure out a way to argue more productively because we're not resolving things and small issues are escalating far past where they need to. He agrees and we set a few ground rules for 'next time'.
I'd like for he and I to do couples counselling to discuss healthy communication tools, but at the moment it's not really feasible and won't be for a few months. Until then my question is, what are some tools that you find helpful for de-escalating a situation or better communicating when both you and your partner feel completely the opposite?
TL;DR: Arguments with boyfriend are escalating far past where they need to, and I'd like some resources on how to successfully communicate/de-escalate so our arguments are more healthy and balanced.
Edit: thanks for all the advice so far, you guys have been great! I just wanted to make clear because from some comments I don't think it is: this is not a common issue for us. In our year and a half together we've had 3 or 4 arguments total. It's just become obvious early on that when it does happen we aren't terribly productive.
Submitted August 29, 2019 at 06:53AM by fightfriendly https://ift.tt/2NEsGix
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