I need some guidance on this situation, because I'm pretty hot about the whole thing so I don't wanna say/do something I'll regret.
My MIL (Beatriz) divorced her husband (not my wife's Dad) last year. Everything is now said, done, and over with, but she had to move out of their marital home because they sold it and split the very small profit. I was asked if she could move in with us on a temporary basis for a month, max. She was supposed to rent something small/cheap for old people, or move in with a friend...both options were in the works, she just needed a stopgap. I said OK. Our house is nice and big, we've got a Casita (I don't know if thats a common term...its like a mini studio apartment thats on the property. Own bedroom, own bath, plus a sink and fridge. Also has its own entrance) that I rent on Air BnB, or use as a guesthouse. She is living here completely bill/rent free. She doesn't really have income, just the $20k or whatever she got from the sale of the house. I also need to mention that she's an immigrant who has never worked a full time job before (just part time stuff) but she is fully capable of doing so, and legally able to. She also does not speak English that well, and we live in the US.
Well its been almost 4 weeks and she's still here with no move-out date in sight. Since I'm not an idiot, I told my wife (Estefania) she needs to talk to her Mom by today to find out what her plan is, because once she stays over 30 days she now qualifies for some tenants rights and thats not a problem I'm interested in. Estefi immediately tells me Beatriz can't find a place yet so its going to be a few more weeks, at least. How do you already know that, but I dont? OK, whatever. Thats fine, she can stay here longer, but she needs to contribute. The only contribution I'm interested in is she can pick our daughters up from school from Mon-Thurs and watch them from 2:30p til 6:30p. Currently, both Estefi and I have flexible jobs so we alternate this task...but the problem is we need to make up the work we miss on the nights/weekends so it never feels like we get real family time. We've had Nannies before with varying degrees of success, but as any other parents can attest to, its difficult to find someone both trustworthy to watch your kids as well as be reliable and responsible.
Estefi took my stipulations to her Mom (pick the kids up from school at 2:30 p from Mon to Thurs, watch them til 6:30p. This will be your contribution for living here rent/bill free). Beatriz was not happy with that arrangement. She marched over to the main house and started yelling at me in person, in Spanish. The whole point of Estefi going over there by herself to tell her this was to leave me out of it. I don't want to be involved in your family dynamics, but I will be involved in my household decisions. So that was definitely bothersome.
I don't speak Spanish but I understand enough. Beatriz "explains" to me how hard it was for her to raise Estefi after her Dad died and all that she sacrificed. How she found a new husband...all this shit I don't care about. Essentially, in their culture Estefi is supposed to take care of her Mom to repay her for all of Beatriz's sacrifices. Beatriz tells me she loves her nietas but she is not going to be responsible for picking them up/babysitting everyday....only in emergency situations. I told her that I love her too, but I'm not going to be responsible for taking care of her or any other grown ass adult. So she either does it, or she needs to move out, and I'd have her shit on my front lawn plus a bus ticket back to Mexico by the end of the weekend.
I understand my response was crass. But I was especially angry at the fact that Estefi was pretty much backing her Mom up when she was saying we need to take care of her. A lot of things started to make sense at that point...all of this might have been planned. I'm not sure if my actual ultimatum is fair or not.
TL;DR MIL says since I married her daughter, that means I agreed to take care of MIL. Thats fine, but I want her to agree to a schedule in which she babysits for 1/ 2 a day, 4 days a week, plus emergencies. She wont agree to that. My Wife is on my side, but says we all need to compromise. I say no compromise, she needs to leave.
Submitted August 30, 2019 at 09:31PM by AccomplishedProblem7 https://ift.tt/2LaT2qS
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