Need advice on dealing with daughter's infidelity

TL;DR: Daughter cheated on her husband, hasn't confessed, and I'm not sure what to do

I recently learned that my daughter (37) cheated on her husband (40) of 15 years (together 18). She cheated with a guy they both know and hang out with and that is still regularly in their lives (although she is adamant that the affair is over and their was never an emotional component). Whatever her reasons, cheating was an illegitimate response and it sickens me that she has done this. They have 4 kids (ages 4 -17).

My son-in-law doesn't have a clue and I'm fairly certain he would explode if he found out. He might try to hurt the guy or himself. My daughter is remorseful, but apparently not enough to stop it from happening a "couple of times" or to confess. She seems to be unsure whether she wants to try and fix her marriage or divorce.

She's my daughter and although I hate what she's done, I have to help her figure out what to do now. I've told her in the past to get into IC and MC, but she hasn't done it. Even if she starts today, the damage is done. At this point, she seems to want to just rugsweep her infidelity it and hope that her husband never finds out. However, she has already told her married best friend about it (who seems to have ghosted her) and her best friend probably told her own husband (who is also good friend of my son-in-law). It seems just a matter of time before my son-in-law finds out.

I need to talk to my daughter, but I'm not sure about the best advice to give. The right thing to do would be to tell her to confess (in public, with a bag already packed) and accept the consequences. But the chances are that she won't do that. At least not now. Meanwhile, I have to pretend that everything is normal with my son-in-law. I can't say how I'll react if her affair partner comes around when I'm at their house, but there's no way I'll be able to fake my disdain for him and what he's knowingly done to their marriage. What should I do?

Submitted August 29, 2019 at 03:59PM by onetimepostforhelp https://ift.tt/34cv4TF