My husband and I have been together 15 years and married for 11. He’s a physician in the US which, as most everyone knows, comes with a hefty price tag. We got married right out of undergrad and the summer before he started medical school. I had to change which masters program i was going to last minute but i was able to get in and get a job and was able to support the both of us with this job (that I loved) while he finished med school. When he graduated, he got a residency in another state (and barely even consulted me about it before he applied and interviewed and decided. I put it behind me and packed up and moved with him and was luckily able to find another job that was better salary wise but I hated and was able to fully support us both while he was able to put all of the money he made in residency towards his student loans. After he finished, I was able to get a different job thats better than I ever could’ve dreamed of and got a major promotion near the end of 2018.
Since January 2019 my husband has been pushing for us to start trying for a baby. He also doesnt want strangers “raising” his children so he doesn’t want to put them in daycare or have a nanny when we have them. We also don’t have any family close by nor do we have any friends that would be able to take on that responsibility. He also doesn’t want to quit his job or go down to part time in his job to take care of said kids, but he expects me to be a stay at home mom. I’m not ready for a baby right now. I’m not ready to sideline my career and leave my dream job that I have worked my ass off for. I told him as much which resulted in a fight where he told me that I should leave my job because his is more important than mine since he “saves lives everyday” and I don’t and ultimately most people could do my job with a “little bit of common sense” whereas his is way more than just sitting at a desk all day (which I don’t even do). When the subject of kids came up years ago, he said no because he wasn’t ready and wanted to finish his education. Despite what I wanted, I accepted it and moved on because I understood where he was coming from and respected his feelings. When I brought this up he said I was throwing it in his face and making him feel guilty for wanting to pursue his dreams.
I had to walk away because I was so furious and hurt by what he said. And since that fight, I’ve been thinking about it over and over and have found myself thinking things i probably shouldn’t and wanting to bring up how my unimportant career supported his ass while he accomplished his dreams but he didn’t complain about how unimportant it was then. I supported him mentally, emotionally, and physically too and if he was up at home studying I was up helping him study, I made sure his clothes were clean and that he ate and slept and was comfortable when he came home after he had a long day despite me also having a long day. I dealt with my father passing away on my own because he was unavailable due to his training. I gave up my dream program, my original dream job, the place I loved and wanted to live forever and my desire to have kids so that he could accomplish his goals. I was depressed and miserable for years at a job I didn’t like, in a city that I hated because it meant he was able get what he wanted in life. I know you’re not supposed to do things with the intention of being paid back or “keeping score” but I did all of those things because I love my husband and expected that, at the VERY LEAST, he would respect me and my career and be understanding and supportive of my wants and needs like I have been with him since the moment we got married. It just seems like I’m the only one sacrificing and being selfless in our marriage. And not only that but my job is important. I may not be an MD or “saving lives” in the moment but I am making a significant difference and change in the lives of my patients and helping improve their quality of life and leading them to be healthier overall and work alongside several physicians who have recognized the positive impact I’ve had on the lives of many people yet the one who matters most to me doesn’t recognize or believe this and it hurts like hell honestly. I’m mad and hurt right now but I know that if the resentment fully sets in it’ll be the worst case scenario. How do I stop this from happening and how do I stop feeling this way towards my husband?
Tl;Dr: Husband is being a jerk about my career and I feel myself starting to resent him and don’t want these feelings to get any worse towards him. How can I stop having these thoughts about him and our marriage?
Submitted June 01, 2019 at 06:50PM by Resentment_ http://bit.ly/2W7I2wK
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