A close friend and I (now both 24) bonded our senior year of high school (2012). We were both members of the Mormon church, but feeling compelled, I nervously ended up coming out to her as a lesbian. She quickly came to communicate her romantic feelings towards me. We initiated a relationship. It was genuine, loving, and what seemed a true soul connection. Several months in, her parents looked through her phone and found evidence of our dating. They pulled her from her work, interrogated her, then forced her to call me ("I want to get married to a man"; "Don't talk to me, I don't want to hear from you").
Naturally, I was devastated. I tried to distance myself to let her and I heal separately. But I found that, without real closure, it was very difficult. Several times, I reached out, asking to talk to or see her, but was apathetically shut down. She gave no compromise. So, I moved on as best as I could. As time has passed, we've shared a message or two of well wishes towards one another.
The biggest change came July 2018 - she reached out, saying she'd just come out as gay to her parents and wanted to be my friend again. I was happy, but was most prominently trepidatious. We soon met in person to chat - we had a ball. I told her soon after this that, though we needed to take time to sort through our past, I was interested in taking her on a date. She agreed. Sporadically, we spent time together. It was so fulfilling and heartwarming to reconnect with the woman that I'd felt so much love for.
That December, she informed me she had started dating someone. I responded with this paraphrase: "I'm happy you found someone. But, because I still have strong feelings for you, I'd like to distance myself a bit, just to process."
Her announcement left me pretty hurt. Her dating someone else feels like a cosmic joke: now that she's out and proud, she's not interested in me.
I feel so twisted into knots. I spent an inordinate amount of energy to move on from her, and was happy with where I was and who I'd become. She then decided to casually step back into my life and rip that rug out from under me. I keep trying to convince myself that she is not interested in me, but at the same time, is. I feel like I've been thrown back to that shattering phone call years ago.
Thus, I've debated whether it would be best to cut her out completely. I cannot go halfway with her, as the last months have proven to me. So, I've asked her when we can chat, as I've a discussion for her. She has asked what it's about, and I gave a vague answer. Since then, she has ignored any contact I've initiated. This nearly solidifies that I'm doing the right thing by leaving her behind.
I feel used, controlled, and discarded. Readers, what would you do in this situation? Am I doing the right thing? What are your thoughts? Any and all comments are welcome.
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tl;dr An ex, who was forced to end our relationship due to her homophobic parents (2012), re-instigated a friendship (2018). I showed interest in dating her, which she was receptive to. However, she's started dating someone else, and seems unmotivated to respond to my requests to speak with her. I'm hurt, dejected, and feeling that it would be best to cut her off completely. Thoughts? Advice?
Submitted April 03, 2019 at 02:08AM by girl_of_forestgreen https://ift.tt/2OItqBy
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