Background: We’ve been together for five years, I’m European and she’s Chinese, living together in Europe.
The whole thing is not a huge problem, but it generates so much pointless discomfort on her part and my part. Trigger warning for disgusting stuff, I guess.
When you’re living together with a partner you slowly start to notice all the things, they do differently from yourself. The first thing I noticed in this hygiene context is, that she takes very little time when going to the toilet. Like, she goes in, pees and right after she’s done, flushes the toilet and gets out. Same thing with… fecal matter business. One time she complained about how much time I take on the toilet and I was like “well, I can’t do this much faster, I need to time to clean myself.” I try to clean myself as thoroughly as possible. Dry wiping, wet wiping, removing all the residual pee from the urethra before you get out and all that stuff. I just feel better, when I feel clean. The consequences of her accelerated toilet-procedure became apparent when I started doing our laundry exclusively. One of the things I noticed early on was that our combined laundry tended to smell bad. Like, noticeably when you are standing next to it in the bathroom. It was especially bad whenever she had diarrhea. She would always wash her panties by hand, after coming back from toilet, which also made me wonder… does she shit her pants every time she has diarrhea? What’s happening here? But the hand washing did not help the smell-situation. While doing the laundry I also noticed, that there’s almost always shit and piss stains in her underwear. Now… if she were a baby or a child, this would not be such a big deal, but she’s an adult. I hate sorting our laundry, because I just don’t like picking up shit and piss soaked clothes on a regular basis.
Another thing I find problematic is that she wishes we do our laundry on a very low temperature setting (30 °C, 90 °F(?)). So, her underwear never really gets clean and tends to accumulate piss stains. It just gets more and more yellow over time. When it has gotten yellow enough for her to notice, she throws it out. So she constantly throws underwear into the trash. We talked about this once, and I basically said, that I know, I have pairs of underwear that are at least 5 years old, but she said, that you can’t have underwear more than a few months. I think this is kinda wasteful and wrong to throw out things that are just stained and not broken, so I sometimes used stain remover to remove the piss stains, just so she won’t have such a high turnover-rate of panties.
As you may have guessed, we cannot really talk about this topic openly. It’s embarrassing to me and her. I must admit I know very little about women’s hygiene, but I always assumed women should/would also wipe in the front after peeing… right? I know the vagina produces discharge, but there’s not constantly pee coming out in the front, unless you’re incontinent, right?
This whole thing somewhat “escalated” recently when we we’re sorting laundry together and we both remarked on the bad smell and then her shit-stained panties fell on the floor and she was embarrassed and wanted to hide them. Afterwards I tried talking to her about this, but it was extremely uncomfortable. I mainly tried to tell her all the things I do in order to keep clean, but she didn’t really admit or see the problem. It was more like… it’s a problem that I noticed this, and not so much that an adult woman should be able to clean herself. Because this was so uncomfortable, she now always washes her underwear by hand… I mean… this somewhat solves the problem, but I did not intend this. I don’t want her to constantly feel uncomfortable in her in own home and constantly have to do this. God damn, I just want her to wipe properly. It’s so confusing to me.
We also can’t spontaneously have sex, because she insists on taking a shower right before that and this was the case right from the beginning of our relationship. But I guess this is also related to her being somewhat aware of this problematic hygiene situation. I don’t even know anymore.
On a somewhat related note: She’s generally bad at anything in the context of cleaning. She cleans dishes in a sloppy way, when she uses the vacuum cleaner it looks like she’s patting the carpet with it. There were pots with burned food in it, that she just wanted to throw out. You just had to use steel wool and a little force, and the things were as good as new. So all the cleaning-jobs that are not wet-wiping a smooth surface, are up to me. Talking about that is also somewhat problematic, because I don’t seem to able to talk about that in a non-condescending way…
All of her other personal-hygiene is fine.
What do I do?
TL;DR: Girlfriend doesn’t wipe properly, we somewhat talked about it and it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable for both of us and I hate it.
Submitted February 27, 2019 at 08:08AM by Throweeuoughaway https://ift.tt/2Vihf0C
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