[28/F] Sometimes I worry that I only like my boyfriend because of the love and attention he gives me.

I knew my boyfriend liked me from the day we met. We were partnered up in a gym class and hit it off straight away. I could tell he was testing the waters, seeing if I'd react to his subtle flirting, but I didn't bite. At the time, I was having a fling with a guy I've since learned to be a total psychopath, so I wasn't interested in anyone else. But I started inviting my gym partner out to my social groups since was he fairly new in town.

We ended up becoming really close friends. He dated quite a lot of women over the next year and a half, so I assumed he was no longer interested in me. I never even considered him as a boyfriend to be honest.

But then, one drunken night, he made a pass at me. I was confused because by this point he was more like a brother than anything. He admitted he had always had a crush on me and thought I felt the same. But I told him I didn't want to ruin the friendship so he felt really embarrassed.

But over the next few weeks I started to think of him differently. He was nothing like the toxic flings I used to have. He was very mature, responsible and friendly. He wasn't my usual type, but I was learning that my usual type was total trash. And this guy really cared about me.

So we began dating, and have been doing so for almost a year now. I have to admit he's been consistently loving and supportive of me. He never tires of me, or plays mind games, or creates drama -- things I'd sadly come to expect in relationships. He's really affectionate and open about the way he feels. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time and it's overwhelming.

It's really selfish, but sometimes I feel like I'm only with him because of the love he feels for me. He makes me feel safe and wanted and that's something I've never experienced before. I feel like I'm using him for his warmth and I have nothing I can give back.

He wouldn't have been someone I'd have ever pursued myself. Like I said, I've only ever dated trash and he's by no means trash. I just sometimes feel empty when I'm with him, because I feel sort of damaged and that's why I was always drawn to damaged people in the past.

Like, I worry that if my boyfriend stopped being so loving towards me, I wouldn't feel anything for him. Because my love for him is reliant on his love for me, if that makes sense. But yet, everyone keeps telling us how good we are together, how I make him so happy etc. In some ways it's true; I'm always looking out for him, tending to him when he's sick, buying him little gifts and sending him articles I think he'll like etc. But maybe I'm just doing all that so he'll stick around?

tl;dr -- I'm trying to figure out if I love my boyfriend for who he is, or if I love him because he gives me love.

Submitted February 28, 2019 at 12:32PM by EcstaticChemistry https://ift.tt/2tHwvbo