So me and my girlfriend of 2 years have a load of issues but this seems to be a big one that she always brings up and uses against me.
It started off with my gay male bff, Todd, of which I “dated” for a month when I was 15, but was my best friend around the time my gf and I got together. She started off TOTALLY cool with Todd being in my life and us being close. We all stayed together at my apartment in the beginning (we are long distance, but see each other every weekend and I stay with her during the summers) but she left one night earlier than Todd. She seemingly had NO problem with him staying with me the extra night without her. Fast forward a few months to my birthday and I had no plans and gf was working. Todd hit me up saying he would throw me a lil party at his house since I had no plans. I agreed and then stayed the night with him and his roommates (not even in the same bed as him). Again, she seemingly had no issue with this.
Fast forward to a few months later and she starts slowly bringing up that it is an issue that I hang around with my ex boyfriend and we have sleepovers together and he showers in my shower etc. She said that Todd told her that he wasn’t 100% gay. I also told her Todd was hammered one night and jokingly bit me and my roommate’s necks. I slowly started to talk to Todd less and then eventually no longer hung out with him bc it resulted in an argument each time.
Okay, so one guy friend down..understandable I guess since we “dated” before, and I try to understand her insecurities since I used to be the insecure one in my past relationship.
The following semester I got close with one of my guy classmates after we were put in a semester long group project together. He was married, and I thought we were total bros and that our friendship was totally acceptable. We messaged about everyday complaining about our other group members. We would sometimes pick up food together on school campus before group meetings and he never said anything flirty to me and we would chat positively about our SO’s. Again, she seemed totally fine with our friendship for a while and then a few months later she slowly started nagging me about us messaging (I also let her read every single message one day). One time in the lab on campus I had him download a mobile game I enjoy and we played an online match together. I hadn’t responded to my gf for about 15 minutes because of this and when she asked why I told her exactly why. This caused about a three day argument to which she ended up dumping me over and we broke up for about two weeks to which every day I begged for her back and told her I was sorry.
So we are back together at this point and I’m at her place during a hurricane and this now ex-classmate (he graduated), messages me asking if I’m okay and then jokingly asks if our dog is okay. Gf gets explosively angry and tells me I’m not allowed to speak to him anymore since he doesn’t respect her and didn’t ask about her and instead just asked about me and our dog.
Alright, another guy friend down, whatever, he graduated anyways.
Next semester I get close with another guy classmate and his gf. I thought this would definitely be A-OK since his gf was even in the class with us. I had known this guy for about 3 years. Well she started getting concerned about him after he called me one day after I missed class and didn’t text him back telling him why. She said he was acting like my boyfriend. Couple of weeks later I shot bball for 10 mins with this guy after class and my gf literally lost it. She said I am giving this guy the attention she deserves blah blah. I told her it was literally 10 minutes and I just love basketball and that was someone to shoot with. She starts asking me more questions about him. I was trying to be honest with her and told her that I think he did try to hit on me when I first met him 3 years ago. She now starts hinting that I’m to cut off all contact with him besides strictly class things. Couple of days later, she dumped me for a few hours after I told her he called me and I answered because I thought it was going to be class related. So I apologized and confronted him telling him to not contact me unless it was about class.
Most recent guy, my friend and neighbor for over two years was someone she was completely okay with for so long up until now. We literally hang out so much since he is my neighbor and now we aren’t allowed to hang out alone anymore or often. She told me he is obsessed with me. She thinks he wants to hang out at the pool with me to see me in a swimsuit. She thinks that he thinks it’s cute that me and him shared a pack of Busch-Ice before so now I’m not allowed to drink that beer brand anymore. I am really starting to feel like this is past insecurity now because this guy is not a threat at all. He is no one I would ever be attracted to and she knows that. She says she can't stand being disrespected and for guys to think that they can take me from her. My car was at the shop the other day and she wouldn’t even let him take me to pick it up. I almost dumped her then because I was already stressed and she was making it worse because I didn’t have anyone to take me to pick it up.
Anytime we have an argument where I hint that she is controlling and untrusting she says it is because I have betrayed her by going on "dates" with these guys ?? Like what?
I just don’t know what to do to fix this or if it even is fixable or if I can improve to help her insecurities at all. I’ve reached my breaking point but I am still not strong enough to let go of the relationship.
TL;DR I am gay but my girlfriend is eliminating all of my male friends when she perceives any type of threat.
Submitted February 26, 2019 at 02:45PM by PitaBread28 https://ift.tt/2GN4IiE
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