I met my friend Jamie during middle school, I had moved and didn't know anyone, she sort of adopted me and we formed a small close-knit group of friends. We saw each other through a lot of tough times, I supported her heavily during several periods of self harm and depression that she went through. I stopped her from committing suicide on at least three occasions where I caught her just before the unthinkable happened. We were there for each other through our first loves, and heartbreaks. I know she was in love with me at several points, and even after turning her down we could talk about it and still be okay. Most things were like that, we could talk about almost anything, and then just laugh and carry on. High school was an entirely different beast, however.
We started having different classes and drifted a little. She began to get into drugs and partying and I saw less of her. Our friend group tried to support her and get her help (she had graduated to hard drugs) we thought she was actively trying to quit, but it turned out to all be lies. She would lie to continue her lifestyle and was self- harming in secret. We had a huge falling out junior year when she almost tanked my AP English grade because she had neglected to work on any of her part of a group project that was 50% of the class grade (they caught her on school grounds doing hard drugs and the teacher still was reluctant to let us submit the project without her).
We tried to have one last 'Come to Jesus' talk with her about our friendship and her health, but she made it clear that she put the drugs and casual hookups above all else. I forcefully went no contact with her. I felt a lot of guilt over it for a long time, even though I felt it was the right decision. My senior year was my only happy one of high school, without any drama, and I began to recognize how toxic our relationship had become when it was no longer there. I also found out after the fact that there was a lot more she had been keeping from me, including that she stole from me (items from my house), had cheated with my boyfriend at the time and also knew he was doing drugs/cheating with other girls and never told me.
H'okay, so my mom ran into her recently at a co-worker's relative's wake. She remembers Jamie; and she knows we didn't part on good terms, but she doesn't know all of the details even though she knows she stole from me and was heavily into drugs and those were major factors in the end of the friendship. My mother decided to approach Jamie and ask her about reconnecting with me, and apparently Jamie was ecstatic over this idea. My mom encouraged her and said she'd have me reach out to her because it was, "about time". My mom told me all this at a family brunch out at a restaurant. I got the whole speech about how good she looks, how she's changed, I guess she's married now and is Born-Again. I instantly shut it down and told my mom I really didn't care to hear it and would appreciate if she wouldn't bring it up again or attempt to talk to Jamie again, let alone tell her I'm interested in talking/meeting up. I reiterated that there were a lot of reasons we aren't friends anymore and I'd like to leave it at that.
Ever since though she'll still occasionally try to bring it up and make me feel extremely guilty about it. My other friends who knew her, and my husband, support not making contact with her, but my mom seems to be on this crusade that I'm inconsiderate and mean for responding this way, and that "people change" and implying I'm not giving her a chance. I'm genuinely glad for Jamie if she's found her happiness, but I feel as though this isn't a can of worms I want to re-open. I don't know why this is important to my mom, and I'd really like her to stop. I still feel like I made the right decision, but when she brings this up I remember our friendship when it was good and I start to second guess myself a little and go back to that place of guilt.
TL;DR: I cut out a childhood friend a long time ago who became toxic. My mom ran into her recently and promised we'd reconnect, agaisnt my wishes. Mom is making me feel guilty and sometimes I have a twinge of regret for how things ended.
Submitted February 27, 2019 at 08:38PM by Zaerryth https://ift.tt/2XrSQrk
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